I can't keep up! I know I am behind on my posts, so I am going to just blog about ALL of the things that have been happening since last week.
The next topic I was going to talk about was about how we learned that success and failure are NOT absolutes. Instead, any sort of insight is actually progress. Being able to view your situation from a new point of view allows you to make small discoveries and uncover new truths about yourself and whatever your goal is. I also found out that this way of framing your thoughts and understanding brings the obstacles to your goal into the light so you can tackle them once and for all! This knowledge came in handy at the Women's Retreat I went to last weekend.
Going into the Women's Retreat I was excited and did not know what to expect. There was no way I could have predicted what happened or the transformation that occurred. In the days leading up to the retreat, I was battling with feelings of severe loneliness and isolation. One day, I did not move from my couch all day. With feelings of this sort emotional eating is never far behind. My drug of choice is sugar, specifically ice cream and cookies. I won't tell you how much of both I consumed in a short amount of time, but it is enough to remind me that it is a problem.
Since my husband has been gone alot, I was feeling that our marriage was really strained, and that coupled with some less that encouraging comments about life coaching from one of my small groups really set my mood at low. The retreat could not have came at a better time, my goal was to get to know a few ladies better and to recharge my batteries.Well I didn't just recharge my batteries, I hit the RESET button.
Being in that type of environment is conducive to spiritual transformation. The whole idea behind retreats is that people come together to worship and build community. Our guest speaker was a life coach and counselor that offered us several nuggets of wisdom and insightful quotes.
There is purpose in pain.
God sees me.
God often allows what he hates to allow what he loves the most.
Total Forgiveness is a sign that I am truly broken. (Broken people have fully surrendered to God)
The only way to integrate truth and reality is community.
We have the power to change our reality by the Holy Spirit who controls our thoughts.
These quotes and bits of wisdom really started to speak to me. It doesn't take much to get me to become emotional anyway and while some words and music drew out emotion, I give all of the credit to my quiet time and my connection with God and the holy spirit. On the second day in the morning, we talked alot about forgiveness and letting go. We were tasked to write something we needed to forgive/let go of on some stones and then go drop these stones into the water, where they could sink to the bottom or be washed away.
Truthfully I am getting ahead of myself, before we did that exercise we had some time to go out individually and seek God. During my quiet time I had every intention of reviewing some of the verses that we discussed in our session, but the holy spirit thought otherwise. In trying to find one verse, my bible kept flipping to another page, so much that I took it as a sign and read the page. The title was, "Hold Your Tongue" and it talked about how little remarks and sarcastic jabs and comments are really an outpour of the condition of your heart. I was convicted by this because I had engaged in this type and was feeling guilty for talking to my husband in this way and even talking about him to others. Reading this lead me to another that I have come back to alot within the past week.
The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Matthew 12:34
I've been praying for a heart of compassion and joy so all of my actions are from the overflow of my heart.
Keep your heart with vigilance, for from it flows the spring of life. Proverbs 4:23
From this moment, I decided that I needed to let go of my bitterness towards my husband and his job and everything along with it. That was once rock, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done with me yet.
Knowing that I allow myself to entertain thoughts of unworthiness, the other thing she covered was Satan's attack on your thoughts, and how you need to "quiet the committee" in your head and speak truth over all of the lies that you tell yourself. I know that speaking truth is a reoccurring theme in my blogs, so this is no different. It seems so simple to control your mind, but really when you get down to it you aren't in control of anything.
Stay with me while I explore something. We are naturally sinners and self-focused. When we receive the trinity, the holy spirit comes alive inside of us and from it we bear the fruit of the spirit. We often call on the holy spirit to guide or speak through us during particular moments in time, however, what would it look like if you allowed the spirit to speak life and truth of the time, knowing that when you are not speaking life, you are speaking out of your sinful nature often aggravated by thoughts planted in your head by the enemy?
In essence, of all these lies I cursed myself with are a direct reflection of a thought I let linger too long in my head until it became a false truth. The only way to rid myself of these false truths, is to accept the ultimate truth and allow for God to do a work in me, guiding my every thought and every action where I no longer have control.
There is the other rock. The need for control.
Once I let go literally and figuratively of those rocks, I experienced a new sense of freedom. How freeing it is to not be in control of life, and to not have to worry or anticipate the next move. He has it figured out and all you need to do is as my mother says is, "Let Go and Let God."
I know this is a long post, so I will attempt to wrap things up. After putting those two things in perspective for myself, I am now able to apply these truths to my marriage. Prayer is my new best friend, along with some deeper relationships with Godly women.
Without a doubt I know that my husband is a gift from God to me, and that we are meant to do great things together. By putting God first in our marriage by prayer and scripture, everything else just falls into place, funny how not trying to control things and being more in the moment has that effect.
These truths are my mantra when I start to feel "less than". With food and wanting to control and regulate everything, I am at a point now where I've given up that need to control. I am staying fully aware of God's presence around me all of the time, including when I am home by myself. When it comes to food I am asking myself what is the purpose for eating this and will it feed and nourish my body?
So I've let go of my strict diet and exercise regimen and my only focus at the present time is to be filled with joy and spread that job by cultivating authentic relationships with others. Sure I still go about my household responsibilities, but now it is more of a "servant heart" instead of a "slave heart."
Praise God for everything he has done and will do, and as I will post shortly, he recently blessed me with a client for my internship that I needed. I feel this is just the tip of the iceberg of everything he has planned for me.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Coaching for a Teachable Moment vs. Coaching for Following an Agenda
I get so far behind on these posts, it is getting frustrating! The post is about my peer meeting I had last Sunday, but I'm sure some stuff that happened this week is bound to creep in.
Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.
Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was "in control" and happy. That's kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn't go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.
The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.
After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.
My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday's class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday's class regarding redefining success.
Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.
Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was "in control" and happy. That's kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn't go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.
The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.
After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.
My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday's class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday's class regarding redefining success.
Friday, October 16, 2015
S.E.A
Yes, Another acronym. This one is simple, yet powerful and effective. The idea behind these three letters are support, encouragement and accountability. Essentially it is three additional things you can do to further help your client (or anyone really) to stick to their goal.
In preparation for this class, we listened to an audio that went into detail about what it means to provide these three key things in a coaching relationship. People need these three things right away after committing to a goal in order to stay energized, or at the very least right around the three week lull point, where motivation dips and we need to swoop in and recharge their batteries.
What causes someone to desire to reach a goal is the result of a particular experience brought on by a teachable/coachable moment. From this pressure point, people are compelled to make a change, brought on by pain or desire. S.E.A. takes their initial energy to change and keeps them going. I picture the energizer bunny, that a coach is responsible for keeping the client going and going.
I enjoy being supportive and encouraging. I have no problem messaging my peer coach a helpful bible verse or quote that I think they may benefit from. Text messages and encouraging words are really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how a coach can help the client. Interestingly to me, the idea here again is that forget what is motivating to you, instead focus on the specific person and what is important and motivating to them.
I sent my peer partner two bible verses this past week, and they sent me an inspirational quote, along with positive words of encouragement. These gestures have been really helpful, but honestly what has been the most helpful thus far is having someone else that is taking the journey with me.
In class we mentioned that needy clients might need to be referred to other possible resources or people that provide the level of S.E.A they desire. One of these ways is by having close family or friends help hold you accountable toward your goal. Bonus points if the two of you happen to be working towards the same goal.
I can honestly say that is what I have now, we constantly check in and text one another in hopes to stay on track and keep each other in check. This has been great for me, and has proven that having someone on your journey with you AND another person invested in your success is invaluable.
Am I perfect? No, only God is perfect. Do I make mistakes? Yes, All of the time. But I am no longer cursing myself. While I make less than ideal choices, I still have not spoke ill or negative of myself. I had a classmate compliment me in class and I was actually able to accept the compliment and feel the truth behind it.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
The best part of my beauty and self confidence that I have seen emerge stems from my weakness. I am made more beautiful in his strength, and covered in the power of his great love.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Ephesians 3:16
I have my peer meeting tomorrow morning, and I have so much to say. So many moments and experiences that need mentioning. So much self-discovery occurring and I am blessed to be in this current season.
I've been challenged by the holy spirit to strengthen a relationship close to me. It really has been on my heart for awhile and I was able to act on rebuilding and nurturing that relationship this past week.
It wasn't anything spectacular, and it wasn't some grand gesture. It was a simple text message sent with a picture of me and my puppy which then lead to a catch up phone call the next day.
It's funny, you think you know someone because they've been a certain way your whole life, and then God comes along and through the power of the holy spirit completely transform them.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
I'm building what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. A strong relationship with my father. While I wrestle with the harsh words spoken to me as a little girl, I've also been flooded with words of pride and acceptance. These words cast a light into the darkness of my past and fill my soul with abundant love.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:14
In preparation for this class, we listened to an audio that went into detail about what it means to provide these three key things in a coaching relationship. People need these three things right away after committing to a goal in order to stay energized, or at the very least right around the three week lull point, where motivation dips and we need to swoop in and recharge their batteries.
What causes someone to desire to reach a goal is the result of a particular experience brought on by a teachable/coachable moment. From this pressure point, people are compelled to make a change, brought on by pain or desire. S.E.A. takes their initial energy to change and keeps them going. I picture the energizer bunny, that a coach is responsible for keeping the client going and going.
I enjoy being supportive and encouraging. I have no problem messaging my peer coach a helpful bible verse or quote that I think they may benefit from. Text messages and encouraging words are really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how a coach can help the client. Interestingly to me, the idea here again is that forget what is motivating to you, instead focus on the specific person and what is important and motivating to them.
I sent my peer partner two bible verses this past week, and they sent me an inspirational quote, along with positive words of encouragement. These gestures have been really helpful, but honestly what has been the most helpful thus far is having someone else that is taking the journey with me.
In class we mentioned that needy clients might need to be referred to other possible resources or people that provide the level of S.E.A they desire. One of these ways is by having close family or friends help hold you accountable toward your goal. Bonus points if the two of you happen to be working towards the same goal.
I can honestly say that is what I have now, we constantly check in and text one another in hopes to stay on track and keep each other in check. This has been great for me, and has proven that having someone on your journey with you AND another person invested in your success is invaluable.
Am I perfect? No, only God is perfect. Do I make mistakes? Yes, All of the time. But I am no longer cursing myself. While I make less than ideal choices, I still have not spoke ill or negative of myself. I had a classmate compliment me in class and I was actually able to accept the compliment and feel the truth behind it.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
The best part of my beauty and self confidence that I have seen emerge stems from my weakness. I am made more beautiful in his strength, and covered in the power of his great love.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Ephesians 3:16
I have my peer meeting tomorrow morning, and I have so much to say. So many moments and experiences that need mentioning. So much self-discovery occurring and I am blessed to be in this current season.
I've been challenged by the holy spirit to strengthen a relationship close to me. It really has been on my heart for awhile and I was able to act on rebuilding and nurturing that relationship this past week.
It wasn't anything spectacular, and it wasn't some grand gesture. It was a simple text message sent with a picture of me and my puppy which then lead to a catch up phone call the next day.
It's funny, you think you know someone because they've been a certain way your whole life, and then God comes along and through the power of the holy spirit completely transform them.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
I'm building what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. A strong relationship with my father. While I wrestle with the harsh words spoken to me as a little girl, I've also been flooded with words of pride and acceptance. These words cast a light into the darkness of my past and fill my soul with abundant love.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:14
Monday, October 12, 2015
I'm no longer a slave to fear- I AM A CHILD OF GOD
***DISCLAIMER: Long Post!***
So after class on Tuesday, I had little time to prepare for my peer meeting on Wednesday evening. I was very unsuccessful in keeping up with my action plan/steps for the past weekend. I had planned to write down my food plan for the week, follow the plan and allow ONE treat for the week.
It just so happened that I was out of town all last weekend at a wedding (where food and temptation run wild). Being out of a strict routine made it harder to stick to a plan, and the celebration of the wedding made it tough to have just ONE sweet treat. Then later in the week came the anxiety, which triggered the eating... I also did volunteer to make sweets for an event I organized, and from making those sweet treats came way too much taste testing!
I gave my peer partner full disclosure regarding my obstacles and "progress" for the past week. As I eluded to before, I know the 5 pounds itself does not mean anything, and instead my peer partner guided me to further introspection.
I opened up admitting my fear of food. Why do I fear food? Because I fear losing control. Food is one thing I can control, but the funny thing is more often than not I lose control over eating. How interesting is that, that the one thing I try to control is where I place my value/worth? If I can regulate my eating then I am good and if I binge and lose control then I am bad. Not surprisingly, the challenge to think back to childhood came up, and again I mentioned food, sweets specifically as my source of comfort.
Unexpectedly, my peer partner asked me if I even considered a sweet as a reward instead of a comfort. I had to ponder that one. No, I have never considered a treat a reward, I've always considered dessert a source of shame when I go too far, which leads to feelings of guilt and self- disgust. In fact, I have always frowned on people who consider a sweet a reward, because I feel that it trains people to crave sweets far too much. I've even told my husband that we will not be enticing our future children to finish their broccoli by promising a cookie.
Backing up, if it isn't obvious now then allow me to point it out. My desire to lose weight and control my eating is fueled by my lack of self acceptance. Saying my truth did not resonate completely in my heart, instead it allowed more insecurities and doubt to surface. Through my peer coach's questions (they are fantastic!) I determined that instead of rewarding myself with a sweet for a specific action completed, I should work on self acceptance by rewarding myself with a treat simply for being a "good" person. (I came to my own conclusion based on their powerful questions- the mark of a great coach!)
They also challenged me to name positive traits about myself. Why is that so hard? Why do I freeze when asked that question? I discovered that I even just start to list what other people say about me instead of naming positive traits that I feel I possess. So the plan for this week is to follow the food plan and reward myself with a treat daily. The reward is because I deserve it, because I am a good person.
I unconditionally love and accept myself.
After my meeting with the lady on Wednesday, we continued emailing back and forth and I asked her to send the list of names of the books she mentioned during our lunch. One particular book stood out to me, because she had mentioned that this book focused on healing ourselves from out past, which is something I've been trying desperately to do.
Born to be Free, by Tom Vermillion was the book that stood out to me. I have not purchased the book (yet) but I was able to look at the reviews on Amazon (sometimes you get lucky and someone will write a complete summary in their comments). After searching through several reviews I landed on one that has completely changed me.
"The best chapter in here is one I just read about curses. Did you know we can speak curses over ourselves with any negative self talk we say? I always KNEW that was so powerful and so destructive.
Other people can also curse us such as if a parents says "I wish you had never been born!" They then just cursed their kid. Literally :( Sad but true.
The good news is though that these curses can be broken through prayer, praise Jesus!
If anyone has ever cursed you or you have inadvertently cursed yourself pray aloud, "By the power and blood of Jesus I declare that.....whatever was said....has no power over me anymore. I declare that that bond is broken. In the name of Jesus. And I declare that I can have the abundant life Jesus speaks of. Amen!"
And it's very important you say that aloud! Very. That is what you can say aloud for any curse you may have had said over you and that you may have said to yourself. If you have ever said to yourself that you will never do something, you cursed yourself. If you ever said you were fat or ugly or not talented, you cursed yourself. So be very careful what you say to yourself. And BREAK THOSE BONDS right now! In the name of Jesus"
I read that over and over and over again. It really struck a chord inside of me until I finally felt compelled to say that prayer aloud.
I said it once for the names I was called as a little girl.
I said it again and again for the names and the way I treat my adult self.
It become an emotional experience (such is part of a transformation powered by the Holy Spirit). I began to release the bonds these negative words had on me saying this over and over and again louder and more hysterical than the time before.
Finally, I stopped. Sat in the silence of what I just said and noticed how I felt. I am not exaggerating or joking when I say that in those quiet moments after my proclamation, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I physically felt lighter.
It's been a few days since then. My attitude about myself has changed. My self acceptance and self love is growing and I am beginning to appreciate me for me and notice all of the beauty around me and value I carry.
For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6
My peer partner said something that made an impact on me (this happened before I looked at anything about the book), and it seemed to be really important so I wrote it down. (Little did I know that this would foreshadow an experience that I was about to have).
"When you allow yourself to just be, then your brain will stop fighting against you."
In those moments after I said those things out loud I allowed myself to just be, and indeed my brain did stop fighting against me.
Food is fuel for the body. It is not "Good" or "Bad", it just is. Sweets don't seem to hold the power they once had over me. I just feel different.
The title of this post is from a song that I hear frequently on the radio. It carries so much more meaning to me now.
I challenge you to think of the negative self-talk you heard from someone or told yourself and pray that by the power and blood of Jesus those words lose their power and no longer have a hold on you so you are free to live the abundant life planned for you.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible- and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Romans 9 is also about Sin's power being broken. I encourage you to read it for more on breaking the bonds of sin and going through a complete transformation.
So after class on Tuesday, I had little time to prepare for my peer meeting on Wednesday evening. I was very unsuccessful in keeping up with my action plan/steps for the past weekend. I had planned to write down my food plan for the week, follow the plan and allow ONE treat for the week.
It just so happened that I was out of town all last weekend at a wedding (where food and temptation run wild). Being out of a strict routine made it harder to stick to a plan, and the celebration of the wedding made it tough to have just ONE sweet treat. Then later in the week came the anxiety, which triggered the eating... I also did volunteer to make sweets for an event I organized, and from making those sweet treats came way too much taste testing!
I gave my peer partner full disclosure regarding my obstacles and "progress" for the past week. As I eluded to before, I know the 5 pounds itself does not mean anything, and instead my peer partner guided me to further introspection.
I opened up admitting my fear of food. Why do I fear food? Because I fear losing control. Food is one thing I can control, but the funny thing is more often than not I lose control over eating. How interesting is that, that the one thing I try to control is where I place my value/worth? If I can regulate my eating then I am good and if I binge and lose control then I am bad. Not surprisingly, the challenge to think back to childhood came up, and again I mentioned food, sweets specifically as my source of comfort.
Unexpectedly, my peer partner asked me if I even considered a sweet as a reward instead of a comfort. I had to ponder that one. No, I have never considered a treat a reward, I've always considered dessert a source of shame when I go too far, which leads to feelings of guilt and self- disgust. In fact, I have always frowned on people who consider a sweet a reward, because I feel that it trains people to crave sweets far too much. I've even told my husband that we will not be enticing our future children to finish their broccoli by promising a cookie.
Backing up, if it isn't obvious now then allow me to point it out. My desire to lose weight and control my eating is fueled by my lack of self acceptance. Saying my truth did not resonate completely in my heart, instead it allowed more insecurities and doubt to surface. Through my peer coach's questions (they are fantastic!) I determined that instead of rewarding myself with a sweet for a specific action completed, I should work on self acceptance by rewarding myself with a treat simply for being a "good" person. (I came to my own conclusion based on their powerful questions- the mark of a great coach!)
They also challenged me to name positive traits about myself. Why is that so hard? Why do I freeze when asked that question? I discovered that I even just start to list what other people say about me instead of naming positive traits that I feel I possess. So the plan for this week is to follow the food plan and reward myself with a treat daily. The reward is because I deserve it, because I am a good person.
I unconditionally love and accept myself.
After my meeting with the lady on Wednesday, we continued emailing back and forth and I asked her to send the list of names of the books she mentioned during our lunch. One particular book stood out to me, because she had mentioned that this book focused on healing ourselves from out past, which is something I've been trying desperately to do.
Born to be Free, by Tom Vermillion was the book that stood out to me. I have not purchased the book (yet) but I was able to look at the reviews on Amazon (sometimes you get lucky and someone will write a complete summary in their comments). After searching through several reviews I landed on one that has completely changed me.
"The best chapter in here is one I just read about curses. Did you know we can speak curses over ourselves with any negative self talk we say? I always KNEW that was so powerful and so destructive.
Other people can also curse us such as if a parents says "I wish you had never been born!" They then just cursed their kid. Literally :( Sad but true.
The good news is though that these curses can be broken through prayer, praise Jesus!
If anyone has ever cursed you or you have inadvertently cursed yourself pray aloud, "By the power and blood of Jesus I declare that.....whatever was said....has no power over me anymore. I declare that that bond is broken. In the name of Jesus. And I declare that I can have the abundant life Jesus speaks of. Amen!"
And it's very important you say that aloud! Very. That is what you can say aloud for any curse you may have had said over you and that you may have said to yourself. If you have ever said to yourself that you will never do something, you cursed yourself. If you ever said you were fat or ugly or not talented, you cursed yourself. So be very careful what you say to yourself. And BREAK THOSE BONDS right now! In the name of Jesus"
I read that over and over and over again. It really struck a chord inside of me until I finally felt compelled to say that prayer aloud.
I said it once for the names I was called as a little girl.
I said it again and again for the names and the way I treat my adult self.
It become an emotional experience (such is part of a transformation powered by the Holy Spirit). I began to release the bonds these negative words had on me saying this over and over and again louder and more hysterical than the time before.
Finally, I stopped. Sat in the silence of what I just said and noticed how I felt. I am not exaggerating or joking when I say that in those quiet moments after my proclamation, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I physically felt lighter.
It's been a few days since then. My attitude about myself has changed. My self acceptance and self love is growing and I am beginning to appreciate me for me and notice all of the beauty around me and value I carry.
For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6
My peer partner said something that made an impact on me (this happened before I looked at anything about the book), and it seemed to be really important so I wrote it down. (Little did I know that this would foreshadow an experience that I was about to have).
"When you allow yourself to just be, then your brain will stop fighting against you."
In those moments after I said those things out loud I allowed myself to just be, and indeed my brain did stop fighting against me.
Food is fuel for the body. It is not "Good" or "Bad", it just is. Sweets don't seem to hold the power they once had over me. I just feel different.
The title of this post is from a song that I hear frequently on the radio. It carries so much more meaning to me now.
I challenge you to think of the negative self-talk you heard from someone or told yourself and pray that by the power and blood of Jesus those words lose their power and no longer have a hold on you so you are free to live the abundant life planned for you.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible- and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Romans 9 is also about Sin's power being broken. I encourage you to read it for more on breaking the bonds of sin and going through a complete transformation.
Friday, October 9, 2015
When the answer isn't so obvious- Getting at the Heart
Tuesday's class was all about exploring internal issues using a new paradigm. The tools we learned today are beneficial when dealing with highly emotional situations and highly emotional people. Prior to class we had to listen to an audio, "Heart of a Coach" which essentially talked about how during the coach training we will transform ourselves to love unconditionally just as Jesus loves us.
Such a simple concept, to say, but a much harder concept to put into practice. The idea of being there for the client and showing grace and love allows us to relieve the pressure of being the one that has all the answers. Instead, the client will initiate the change as we walk alongside them. Coaches foster authenticity and transparency by being authentic and transparent themselves. Over time, the idea is that these are no longer skills that we must put forth effort to practice, but instead through mindful awareness and the heart of Jesus becomes our nature.
In order to be completely transformed you must be willing to attack your demons. We must be able to go deep within ourselves and pull out the darkest part and bring it to light, and with the help of a coach acting as the vehicle of God, this is possible.
Our class was asked to share our goals aloud, as people shared it was interesting to see what they chose as their goal. With my goal to lose 5 pounds, I admit it is such a shallow goal, and in fact with my peer coach I explored the issue further (that will discussed in the next post).
Not every goal is shallow, in fact there are often emotionally charged and littered with several obstacles that are preventing the person from achieving their overall goal. This is when we use O.P.S. to observe, probe and sift further by asking open-ended questions, revealing and ownership questions. This is where you pack a punch not only with succinct words, but with gut-level questions.
Practicing this allows us to dig and ask the tough questions. I was on the other side of this during my peer meeting, where the question is so poignant that it leaves you stunned.
Overall this class is going way too fast. We are to be looking for people that we can coach as part of our internship for 6 weeks. I have some ideas in mind of who I think this should be, but ultimately it is up to them. I've met some great, inspiring people from class, and even from my Tuesday morning bible study.
One particular lady reached out to me and we met for lunch on Wednesday. It was a great conversation, she said she was interested in christian coaching for her daughter, so I told her about it and told her that the best way to determine if becoming a christian coach is for you is to be coached first. I gave her my contact information to pass along and I hope that I will hear from her. All I can do is pray about her to have guidance and insight to see her clear direction. After our meeting, she sent me words of encouragement that really spoke to me.
You and I have been given gifts to help others see theirs. We are partners with God to bring the good news of salvation, healing and deliverance to the lost and broken so that others can achieve the goals and the destiny that God has planned for them before they were born. (Jeremiah 29:11)
We are in fact, helpers and both serve by listening and trying to understand, direct and guide people experiencing problems or pain. In the midst of one conversation she told me something in confidence and said, "I haven't told anyone else that, but I felt like you would understand." I felt very honored when I heard that, as I was listening and engaged in her story, practicing my coaching skills without really giving it a second thought.
The idea of these principles becoming effortless and automatic as we develop the true heart of a coach, expressing unconditional regard to to others is a true measure of the abundance of Christ that lives within us.
And we, who are with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever- increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18
Such a simple concept, to say, but a much harder concept to put into practice. The idea of being there for the client and showing grace and love allows us to relieve the pressure of being the one that has all the answers. Instead, the client will initiate the change as we walk alongside them. Coaches foster authenticity and transparency by being authentic and transparent themselves. Over time, the idea is that these are no longer skills that we must put forth effort to practice, but instead through mindful awareness and the heart of Jesus becomes our nature.
In order to be completely transformed you must be willing to attack your demons. We must be able to go deep within ourselves and pull out the darkest part and bring it to light, and with the help of a coach acting as the vehicle of God, this is possible.
Our class was asked to share our goals aloud, as people shared it was interesting to see what they chose as their goal. With my goal to lose 5 pounds, I admit it is such a shallow goal, and in fact with my peer coach I explored the issue further (that will discussed in the next post).
Not every goal is shallow, in fact there are often emotionally charged and littered with several obstacles that are preventing the person from achieving their overall goal. This is when we use O.P.S. to observe, probe and sift further by asking open-ended questions, revealing and ownership questions. This is where you pack a punch not only with succinct words, but with gut-level questions.
Practicing this allows us to dig and ask the tough questions. I was on the other side of this during my peer meeting, where the question is so poignant that it leaves you stunned.
Overall this class is going way too fast. We are to be looking for people that we can coach as part of our internship for 6 weeks. I have some ideas in mind of who I think this should be, but ultimately it is up to them. I've met some great, inspiring people from class, and even from my Tuesday morning bible study.
One particular lady reached out to me and we met for lunch on Wednesday. It was a great conversation, she said she was interested in christian coaching for her daughter, so I told her about it and told her that the best way to determine if becoming a christian coach is for you is to be coached first. I gave her my contact information to pass along and I hope that I will hear from her. All I can do is pray about her to have guidance and insight to see her clear direction. After our meeting, she sent me words of encouragement that really spoke to me.
You and I have been given gifts to help others see theirs. We are partners with God to bring the good news of salvation, healing and deliverance to the lost and broken so that others can achieve the goals and the destiny that God has planned for them before they were born. (Jeremiah 29:11)
We are in fact, helpers and both serve by listening and trying to understand, direct and guide people experiencing problems or pain. In the midst of one conversation she told me something in confidence and said, "I haven't told anyone else that, but I felt like you would understand." I felt very honored when I heard that, as I was listening and engaged in her story, practicing my coaching skills without really giving it a second thought.
The idea of these principles becoming effortless and automatic as we develop the true heart of a coach, expressing unconditional regard to to others is a true measure of the abundance of Christ that lives within us.
And we, who are with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever- increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18
Monday, October 5, 2015
Last Week's Class Recap and Peer Meeting Reflection
What a busy, busy week I had last week. After class on Tuesday night I turned around and immediately had my meeting with my peer on Wednesday night. That made for a busy and challenging beginning of the week (which already added to an already busy week getting ready to go out of town). But I'm back now. I made it home safe and sound yesterday. As I continue to catch up on neglected chores and grading responsibilities, I am being called to recall and write about my coaching experience from last week.
Tuesday night in general is somewhat challenging for me, in terms of time management. Typically I work out and get home just in time to sit for class, however this week I decided to forgo my typical routine and allow for enough time to prepare for class and to maintain my somewhat put together appearance for our "guests" in class (I did not want them to see me as a "hot mess"). As I recall my justification for not going to the gym so I could look presentable, I am reminded that this is a shallow level 1 or 2 stage of authenticity. I am noting a correlation between my stage of authenticity and my self-image. Again, my confidence level is highest when I look to God for confirmation and reassurance instead of others. Suffice to say that my level of authenticity mirrored my sense of self on Tuesday.
We discussed the GROW model and SMART goals. the former is the way to structure the coaching session and the later is the specific goal that the individual wishes to achieve. We stepped through each of these with examples and demonstrations from two of our "guest" class members.
Part of the homework that we discussed was how we rated the different areas located on our "wheel of life". It was very obvious what my lowest area of satisfaction is and I noticed how each of the areas affected the others (my unhappiness with myself or my appearance or social or spiritual life affects my marriage, and vice-versa). Or perhaps it could it be that my marriage satisfaction impacts these others areas?
Using one area in which I am the least satisfied, I came up with my SMART goal that I will work on with my peer partner for the week. Not surprising for those that know me, I decided that my goal would be to lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks. (Again even as I type this goal out I am hearing that voice in my head that is saying "what happens when I reach that number, will I be happy?") What arbitrary number do I have to throw out there or reach for me to feel content or satisfied with myself?
While I don't want to go down the weight loss-self esteem rabbit hole, I do feel that it is not the number on the scale that leads to contentment, but instead it is the list of small decisions I make day to day to avoid temptation to help me achieve my goal. So while I say 5 pounds in 5 weeks as a way to measure success, what really measures this success is the series of small victories I have within myself.
The sharing of our goals was just part of the peer meeting, the other half of the meeting I had the pleasure and privilege of hearing my peer partners life story. Their story touched my heart, and not because of how it related to me, but how it allowed them to express where they come from and who they are. Debriefing gave me reinforcement that my silent listening and nodding is encouraging and comforting. The build up of the pain that never gets expressed can be released without judgement during our meeting. Just the safe space made by active listening and story sharing I feel is invaluable to the coach and the client as well.
While I shared in my peer partner's emotions, I also began to hear them to admit an insecurity that I also struggle with. The words used to express the fear and doubt are the same words I've spoke of before.
Unworthy. Not good enough.
I assured them that they are not alone in this fear, and I too have feelings of lack of purpose and reoccurring bouts of extreme loneliness. How can one be in a room full of people but yet feel so alone? Why do I feel so different?
One thing my peer partner said really stuck out to me, and made me realize more why my husband can't identify and often can't handle my past.
" My (spouse) did't marry a broken person. They married a confident and self sufficient person. When they see me broken they don't know how to react."
These statements ring a bell and speak a truth that I have gone through and have known for quite sometime. How God has orchestrated this relationship and partnership to strengthen and grow us together. To put things into perspective and to help build up one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
We who are strong ought to bear with the failing of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. Romans 15:1-2
Never is this more true than with my interactions with my classmates, peer partner and trainer.
Tuesday night in general is somewhat challenging for me, in terms of time management. Typically I work out and get home just in time to sit for class, however this week I decided to forgo my typical routine and allow for enough time to prepare for class and to maintain my somewhat put together appearance for our "guests" in class (I did not want them to see me as a "hot mess"). As I recall my justification for not going to the gym so I could look presentable, I am reminded that this is a shallow level 1 or 2 stage of authenticity. I am noting a correlation between my stage of authenticity and my self-image. Again, my confidence level is highest when I look to God for confirmation and reassurance instead of others. Suffice to say that my level of authenticity mirrored my sense of self on Tuesday.
We discussed the GROW model and SMART goals. the former is the way to structure the coaching session and the later is the specific goal that the individual wishes to achieve. We stepped through each of these with examples and demonstrations from two of our "guest" class members.
Part of the homework that we discussed was how we rated the different areas located on our "wheel of life". It was very obvious what my lowest area of satisfaction is and I noticed how each of the areas affected the others (my unhappiness with myself or my appearance or social or spiritual life affects my marriage, and vice-versa). Or perhaps it could it be that my marriage satisfaction impacts these others areas?
Using one area in which I am the least satisfied, I came up with my SMART goal that I will work on with my peer partner for the week. Not surprising for those that know me, I decided that my goal would be to lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks. (Again even as I type this goal out I am hearing that voice in my head that is saying "what happens when I reach that number, will I be happy?") What arbitrary number do I have to throw out there or reach for me to feel content or satisfied with myself?
While I don't want to go down the weight loss-self esteem rabbit hole, I do feel that it is not the number on the scale that leads to contentment, but instead it is the list of small decisions I make day to day to avoid temptation to help me achieve my goal. So while I say 5 pounds in 5 weeks as a way to measure success, what really measures this success is the series of small victories I have within myself.
The sharing of our goals was just part of the peer meeting, the other half of the meeting I had the pleasure and privilege of hearing my peer partners life story. Their story touched my heart, and not because of how it related to me, but how it allowed them to express where they come from and who they are. Debriefing gave me reinforcement that my silent listening and nodding is encouraging and comforting. The build up of the pain that never gets expressed can be released without judgement during our meeting. Just the safe space made by active listening and story sharing I feel is invaluable to the coach and the client as well.
While I shared in my peer partner's emotions, I also began to hear them to admit an insecurity that I also struggle with. The words used to express the fear and doubt are the same words I've spoke of before.
Unworthy. Not good enough.
I assured them that they are not alone in this fear, and I too have feelings of lack of purpose and reoccurring bouts of extreme loneliness. How can one be in a room full of people but yet feel so alone? Why do I feel so different?
One thing my peer partner said really stuck out to me, and made me realize more why my husband can't identify and often can't handle my past.
" My (spouse) did't marry a broken person. They married a confident and self sufficient person. When they see me broken they don't know how to react."
These statements ring a bell and speak a truth that I have gone through and have known for quite sometime. How God has orchestrated this relationship and partnership to strengthen and grow us together. To put things into perspective and to help build up one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
We who are strong ought to bear with the failing of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. Romans 15:1-2
Never is this more true than with my interactions with my classmates, peer partner and trainer.
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