I officially graduated when I coached my trainer one last time just to iron out the details on December 21. I felt a sense of joy and relief, but it was soon coupled with worry and uncertainty.
Ok so I completed the training, NOW WHAT? WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?
I prayed hard and looked for signs and answers and made up things I thought were signs and answers all the while something much better was taking place. I hate admitting this, but it was like I was giving God an ultimatum in a way, or at least putting contingencies on his power and plan for me. (Lord I know that if this person responds after sending her this then I know this is a sign to take coaching into a business)
Ha. Who am I to to make such demands? I am not going to tell him what to do because he is not going to do it. Ultimately I don't want him to give me what I want, I want him to give me what is best and what he has planned for me. It is worth mentioning that even though my official internship is over ,I still meet and talk with my client, as we have somewhat adjusted our relationship into that of peer accountability". After talking with her the other morning, I also called my mom where I openly shared the above realization with her. Not a second later than me saying " I am going to stop trying to make things happen and just let them happen" does the other line ring in and it is a women that I had emailed the previous night asking if she would mentor me.
We spoke for about an hour, she asked me questions about my vision, my goals, my ideas and my passion for where I wanted to take my coaching. I could not really answer those questions, but I told her that money was not really important to me. It is more important that I would be able to help people either rediscover or discover their purpose and God's plan for their lives. I want to work with "spiritually stagnant" people and help them grow closer to God. As my internship client said that once God was number one, EVERYTHING else in her life improved. (Side note that on the last day of formal coaching I asked her to rate the areas in the wheel of life again and in all areas she rated much higher). This is the same message I want to share with other people I coach.
The mentor coach I spoke with gave me ideas of how to proceed through her own story of getting started and how that changed slightly from year to year. While I do not have a background in offering retreats as she did, I do have the acknowledgement that while in prayer I have felt that I should start a small group (I have felt this way for awhile now, at least a few months).
I thought that having a small group would limit what I did with my coaching into a specific ministry, however while researching bible studies over the internet I learned that it will just be the beginning,
After the study on "Chazown", participants are asked to come with a SMART goal. It is from this goal that they are to take the next steps to fully embracing God's chazown, or vision for their life. It is also from a SMART goal that coaching journey is born.
So there are the next steps, I am taking coaching into my church to fully help people embrace their unique purpose by doing the "Chazown" series and I am also offering additional one-on-one help with SMART goals and accountability after the program is finished.
Much like the decision to pursue coaching, I feel a sense of excitement and calm about the next move. I know that eventually I may also take the Chazown study and do it online, offering the exact same thing to people all of the world who want to discover God's vision for their lives. So if you are reading this and interested, stay tuned because a website, facebook page and online bible study offering will all be in the works!
I have named my "business" Butterfly Beginnings. This symbolizes the transformation that occurs when we become reborn as a result of the holy spirit inside of us.
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again" John 3:3
As 2015 comes to a close I am grateful for many things, and the main one being my heavenly father taking me and reshaping me and transforming me as his disciple. I have no "New Years Resolutions" (as research says they will mostly likely fail). Instead I have promises to uphold Christ-like character and be obedient to him.
These "promises" consist of 21 days of prayer and fasting that start on Sunday. I am ready to commit to 21 days of prayer and pray for whatever is laid on my heart. I am committed to the fast, because it will be a fast from sugar, caffeine, meat, dairy and gluten. I will eat only fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds for 21 days. I do this not as a way to lose holiday weight, but in utmost devotion to my Lord and Savior.
I will continue to arm myself and protect against inferior thoughts, not letting the enemy infiltrate my mind anymore with lies and false truths. In everything I do I will honor and respect my body and myself as they do not belong to me.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." ! Corinthians 6:19-20
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Catch Up from Last Month- My "Aha moment" before Graduation
Wow! I just noticed that it has been since November 8th since I posted! So much has happened since then, one thing is that I am no longer training to be a life coach, I am now a certified growth coach (which I happen to like the name better than life coach anyway)
The weeks from early November until now have been all over the place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy and sad. When I started coaching internship is when I let things slack, but it is also when I grew the most in understanding my identity in Christ. I specifically grew the most when I was challenged with specific feedback towards the end of the program.
My trainer gave me feedback one week during my 3-way session with her and my peer coach to get out of "task-mode" and becoming more emotionally in tune with the client. I thought at first this was strange, since I know that I have a tendency to become TOO emotionally involved and invested when client's share their stories. Apparently I was working hard not to absorb their emotion too much and it came across as "checking off boxes" and moving from step to step of the model we were taught to use. I listened to a recording of my coaching session with my internship client and saw that she was correct, you could hear the mental shift in my voice and it proved to be disengaging.
That next week I coached as many people as I could (that would let me) trying to focus on emotional tone and not to switch over to logical tone. When the next peer session came around I thought for sure that I had nailed it, she gave us a practice session before we went into our actual sessions and during that time is when I lost it.
The feedback I was getting was I still wasn't emotionally invested and it did not seem like I was engaged (which could not have been farther from the truth!) I didn't understand what she was talking about! I had changed my voice to be low, non-threatening and nurturing and now she said that it was emotionless, well what in the world was she looking for?! I didn't know and at that point, I just lost it. Everything became too much to handle and my feelings were hurt and I was confused to the point where I had a breakdown.
I will spare some of the details, but basically I was crying so hard and so uncontrollably that it was hard to breathe. I was unable to be coached because a whole host of emotions overtook me and it was overwhelming. Luckily, I had a chat with my peer coach and we decided that even though I was hurt by the feedback I got and took it personally, I was not a quitter and I would coach her instead.
For whatever reason that breakdown was exactly what I needed, everything transitioned seamlessly after that. The coaching, the emotional connecting, everything clicked. I had had a barrier and a disconnect from feeling close to God and I think getting to that point and after that breakthrough I just allowed everything I was trying to carry myself to be released. It has been several weeks since that occurred, but I do remember feeling at peace, and coming to a hard realization that would put my strength and my discipline to the test in order to beat my eating demon for good (which I still haven't done, but that is a whole other discussion in itself!)
In coaching we talked about take away messages, and how having a take away from a Aha moment gives it more meaning to you and allows you to remind yourself of the simple truth whenever you need to.
My take away was simple, and it was what everyone had been telling me and I had been hearing for awhile, but for whatever reason I didn't get it until I GOT it.
Emotions are blessings.
Being able to feel emotions in a deep and powerful way is a blessing.
I am reminded of Jesus having strong emotions and not trying to hide them, he openly was both angered and sad at one point or another.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
"And Jesus entered the temple[and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” Matthew 21:12-13
The thought then occurred to me that I did not need to judge emotions as good or bad or try to not feel them, but instead let myself feel every emotion and not suppress them. I know it sounds simple in theory, but in reality it is much harder. I have walked a path of coping all of my life and now I'm trying to create a new path of coping that can override the well beaten path in which, while dysfunctional, was my normal and predictable pattern. Dysfunctional becomes normal and known, and it is your security, because you know how to adjust and behave and do so from either point of extremes.
Ahh but what happens when you leave that well beaten path and create a new one? A path that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. This requires intention and effort as taking the old path is more or less "automatic" and easier to do. Where would I get this intention and effort to make a new way?
Faith. Unwavering, humbling, gracious, and fearless faith. I've hear people say that faith is the absence of fear, I think that faith is pressing on IN SPITE of your fear. It is having those thoughts of doubt and feeling unsure, but instead of indulging in those thoughts, choosing to press on into what you are called to do as a child of Christ.
I know that I have some reoccurring themes in my blog posts, as these are the things I am most passionate about. Taking all that I know and all that I have experienced and putting complete faith in God, allows him control my life and because I know my father loves me, I feel a sense of relief to not have to try to orchestrate my life. instead it was planned long also.
The weeks from early November until now have been all over the place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy and sad. When I started coaching internship is when I let things slack, but it is also when I grew the most in understanding my identity in Christ. I specifically grew the most when I was challenged with specific feedback towards the end of the program.
My trainer gave me feedback one week during my 3-way session with her and my peer coach to get out of "task-mode" and becoming more emotionally in tune with the client. I thought at first this was strange, since I know that I have a tendency to become TOO emotionally involved and invested when client's share their stories. Apparently I was working hard not to absorb their emotion too much and it came across as "checking off boxes" and moving from step to step of the model we were taught to use. I listened to a recording of my coaching session with my internship client and saw that she was correct, you could hear the mental shift in my voice and it proved to be disengaging.
That next week I coached as many people as I could (that would let me) trying to focus on emotional tone and not to switch over to logical tone. When the next peer session came around I thought for sure that I had nailed it, she gave us a practice session before we went into our actual sessions and during that time is when I lost it.
The feedback I was getting was I still wasn't emotionally invested and it did not seem like I was engaged (which could not have been farther from the truth!) I didn't understand what she was talking about! I had changed my voice to be low, non-threatening and nurturing and now she said that it was emotionless, well what in the world was she looking for?! I didn't know and at that point, I just lost it. Everything became too much to handle and my feelings were hurt and I was confused to the point where I had a breakdown.
I will spare some of the details, but basically I was crying so hard and so uncontrollably that it was hard to breathe. I was unable to be coached because a whole host of emotions overtook me and it was overwhelming. Luckily, I had a chat with my peer coach and we decided that even though I was hurt by the feedback I got and took it personally, I was not a quitter and I would coach her instead.
For whatever reason that breakdown was exactly what I needed, everything transitioned seamlessly after that. The coaching, the emotional connecting, everything clicked. I had had a barrier and a disconnect from feeling close to God and I think getting to that point and after that breakthrough I just allowed everything I was trying to carry myself to be released. It has been several weeks since that occurred, but I do remember feeling at peace, and coming to a hard realization that would put my strength and my discipline to the test in order to beat my eating demon for good (which I still haven't done, but that is a whole other discussion in itself!)
In coaching we talked about take away messages, and how having a take away from a Aha moment gives it more meaning to you and allows you to remind yourself of the simple truth whenever you need to.
My take away was simple, and it was what everyone had been telling me and I had been hearing for awhile, but for whatever reason I didn't get it until I GOT it.
Emotions are blessings.
Being able to feel emotions in a deep and powerful way is a blessing.
I am reminded of Jesus having strong emotions and not trying to hide them, he openly was both angered and sad at one point or another.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
"And Jesus entered the temple[and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” Matthew 21:12-13
The thought then occurred to me that I did not need to judge emotions as good or bad or try to not feel them, but instead let myself feel every emotion and not suppress them. I know it sounds simple in theory, but in reality it is much harder. I have walked a path of coping all of my life and now I'm trying to create a new path of coping that can override the well beaten path in which, while dysfunctional, was my normal and predictable pattern. Dysfunctional becomes normal and known, and it is your security, because you know how to adjust and behave and do so from either point of extremes.
Ahh but what happens when you leave that well beaten path and create a new one? A path that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. This requires intention and effort as taking the old path is more or less "automatic" and easier to do. Where would I get this intention and effort to make a new way?
Faith. Unwavering, humbling, gracious, and fearless faith. I've hear people say that faith is the absence of fear, I think that faith is pressing on IN SPITE of your fear. It is having those thoughts of doubt and feeling unsure, but instead of indulging in those thoughts, choosing to press on into what you are called to do as a child of Christ.
I know that I have some reoccurring themes in my blog posts, as these are the things I am most passionate about. Taking all that I know and all that I have experienced and putting complete faith in God, allows him control my life and because I know my father loves me, I feel a sense of relief to not have to try to orchestrate my life. instead it was planned long also.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.
plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
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