I officially graduated when I coached my trainer one last time just to iron out the details on December 21. I felt a sense of joy and relief, but it was soon coupled with worry and uncertainty.
Ok so I completed the training, NOW WHAT? WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?
I prayed hard and looked for signs and answers and made up things I thought were signs and answers all the while something much better was taking place. I hate admitting this, but it was like I was giving God an ultimatum in a way, or at least putting contingencies on his power and plan for me. (Lord I know that if this person responds after sending her this then I know this is a sign to take coaching into a business)
Ha. Who am I to to make such demands? I am not going to tell him what to do because he is not going to do it. Ultimately I don't want him to give me what I want, I want him to give me what is best and what he has planned for me. It is worth mentioning that even though my official internship is over ,I still meet and talk with my client, as we have somewhat adjusted our relationship into that of peer accountability". After talking with her the other morning, I also called my mom where I openly shared the above realization with her. Not a second later than me saying " I am going to stop trying to make things happen and just let them happen" does the other line ring in and it is a women that I had emailed the previous night asking if she would mentor me.
We spoke for about an hour, she asked me questions about my vision, my goals, my ideas and my passion for where I wanted to take my coaching. I could not really answer those questions, but I told her that money was not really important to me. It is more important that I would be able to help people either rediscover or discover their purpose and God's plan for their lives. I want to work with "spiritually stagnant" people and help them grow closer to God. As my internship client said that once God was number one, EVERYTHING else in her life improved. (Side note that on the last day of formal coaching I asked her to rate the areas in the wheel of life again and in all areas she rated much higher). This is the same message I want to share with other people I coach.
The mentor coach I spoke with gave me ideas of how to proceed through her own story of getting started and how that changed slightly from year to year. While I do not have a background in offering retreats as she did, I do have the acknowledgement that while in prayer I have felt that I should start a small group (I have felt this way for awhile now, at least a few months).
I thought that having a small group would limit what I did with my coaching into a specific ministry, however while researching bible studies over the internet I learned that it will just be the beginning,
After the study on "Chazown", participants are asked to come with a SMART goal. It is from this goal that they are to take the next steps to fully embracing God's chazown, or vision for their life. It is also from a SMART goal that coaching journey is born.
So there are the next steps, I am taking coaching into my church to fully help people embrace their unique purpose by doing the "Chazown" series and I am also offering additional one-on-one help with SMART goals and accountability after the program is finished.
Much like the decision to pursue coaching, I feel a sense of excitement and calm about the next move. I know that eventually I may also take the Chazown study and do it online, offering the exact same thing to people all of the world who want to discover God's vision for their lives. So if you are reading this and interested, stay tuned because a website, facebook page and online bible study offering will all be in the works!
I have named my "business" Butterfly Beginnings. This symbolizes the transformation that occurs when we become reborn as a result of the holy spirit inside of us.
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again" John 3:3
As 2015 comes to a close I am grateful for many things, and the main one being my heavenly father taking me and reshaping me and transforming me as his disciple. I have no "New Years Resolutions" (as research says they will mostly likely fail). Instead I have promises to uphold Christ-like character and be obedient to him.
These "promises" consist of 21 days of prayer and fasting that start on Sunday. I am ready to commit to 21 days of prayer and pray for whatever is laid on my heart. I am committed to the fast, because it will be a fast from sugar, caffeine, meat, dairy and gluten. I will eat only fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds for 21 days. I do this not as a way to lose holiday weight, but in utmost devotion to my Lord and Savior.
I will continue to arm myself and protect against inferior thoughts, not letting the enemy infiltrate my mind anymore with lies and false truths. In everything I do I will honor and respect my body and myself as they do not belong to me.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." ! Corinthians 6:19-20
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Catch Up from Last Month- My "Aha moment" before Graduation
Wow! I just noticed that it has been since November 8th since I posted! So much has happened since then, one thing is that I am no longer training to be a life coach, I am now a certified growth coach (which I happen to like the name better than life coach anyway)
The weeks from early November until now have been all over the place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy and sad. When I started coaching internship is when I let things slack, but it is also when I grew the most in understanding my identity in Christ. I specifically grew the most when I was challenged with specific feedback towards the end of the program.
My trainer gave me feedback one week during my 3-way session with her and my peer coach to get out of "task-mode" and becoming more emotionally in tune with the client. I thought at first this was strange, since I know that I have a tendency to become TOO emotionally involved and invested when client's share their stories. Apparently I was working hard not to absorb their emotion too much and it came across as "checking off boxes" and moving from step to step of the model we were taught to use. I listened to a recording of my coaching session with my internship client and saw that she was correct, you could hear the mental shift in my voice and it proved to be disengaging.
That next week I coached as many people as I could (that would let me) trying to focus on emotional tone and not to switch over to logical tone. When the next peer session came around I thought for sure that I had nailed it, she gave us a practice session before we went into our actual sessions and during that time is when I lost it.
The feedback I was getting was I still wasn't emotionally invested and it did not seem like I was engaged (which could not have been farther from the truth!) I didn't understand what she was talking about! I had changed my voice to be low, non-threatening and nurturing and now she said that it was emotionless, well what in the world was she looking for?! I didn't know and at that point, I just lost it. Everything became too much to handle and my feelings were hurt and I was confused to the point where I had a breakdown.
I will spare some of the details, but basically I was crying so hard and so uncontrollably that it was hard to breathe. I was unable to be coached because a whole host of emotions overtook me and it was overwhelming. Luckily, I had a chat with my peer coach and we decided that even though I was hurt by the feedback I got and took it personally, I was not a quitter and I would coach her instead.
For whatever reason that breakdown was exactly what I needed, everything transitioned seamlessly after that. The coaching, the emotional connecting, everything clicked. I had had a barrier and a disconnect from feeling close to God and I think getting to that point and after that breakthrough I just allowed everything I was trying to carry myself to be released. It has been several weeks since that occurred, but I do remember feeling at peace, and coming to a hard realization that would put my strength and my discipline to the test in order to beat my eating demon for good (which I still haven't done, but that is a whole other discussion in itself!)
In coaching we talked about take away messages, and how having a take away from a Aha moment gives it more meaning to you and allows you to remind yourself of the simple truth whenever you need to.
My take away was simple, and it was what everyone had been telling me and I had been hearing for awhile, but for whatever reason I didn't get it until I GOT it.
Emotions are blessings.
Being able to feel emotions in a deep and powerful way is a blessing.
I am reminded of Jesus having strong emotions and not trying to hide them, he openly was both angered and sad at one point or another.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
"And Jesus entered the temple[and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” Matthew 21:12-13
The thought then occurred to me that I did not need to judge emotions as good or bad or try to not feel them, but instead let myself feel every emotion and not suppress them. I know it sounds simple in theory, but in reality it is much harder. I have walked a path of coping all of my life and now I'm trying to create a new path of coping that can override the well beaten path in which, while dysfunctional, was my normal and predictable pattern. Dysfunctional becomes normal and known, and it is your security, because you know how to adjust and behave and do so from either point of extremes.
Ahh but what happens when you leave that well beaten path and create a new one? A path that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. This requires intention and effort as taking the old path is more or less "automatic" and easier to do. Where would I get this intention and effort to make a new way?
Faith. Unwavering, humbling, gracious, and fearless faith. I've hear people say that faith is the absence of fear, I think that faith is pressing on IN SPITE of your fear. It is having those thoughts of doubt and feeling unsure, but instead of indulging in those thoughts, choosing to press on into what you are called to do as a child of Christ.
I know that I have some reoccurring themes in my blog posts, as these are the things I am most passionate about. Taking all that I know and all that I have experienced and putting complete faith in God, allows him control my life and because I know my father loves me, I feel a sense of relief to not have to try to orchestrate my life. instead it was planned long also.
The weeks from early November until now have been all over the place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy and sad. When I started coaching internship is when I let things slack, but it is also when I grew the most in understanding my identity in Christ. I specifically grew the most when I was challenged with specific feedback towards the end of the program.
My trainer gave me feedback one week during my 3-way session with her and my peer coach to get out of "task-mode" and becoming more emotionally in tune with the client. I thought at first this was strange, since I know that I have a tendency to become TOO emotionally involved and invested when client's share their stories. Apparently I was working hard not to absorb their emotion too much and it came across as "checking off boxes" and moving from step to step of the model we were taught to use. I listened to a recording of my coaching session with my internship client and saw that she was correct, you could hear the mental shift in my voice and it proved to be disengaging.
That next week I coached as many people as I could (that would let me) trying to focus on emotional tone and not to switch over to logical tone. When the next peer session came around I thought for sure that I had nailed it, she gave us a practice session before we went into our actual sessions and during that time is when I lost it.
The feedback I was getting was I still wasn't emotionally invested and it did not seem like I was engaged (which could not have been farther from the truth!) I didn't understand what she was talking about! I had changed my voice to be low, non-threatening and nurturing and now she said that it was emotionless, well what in the world was she looking for?! I didn't know and at that point, I just lost it. Everything became too much to handle and my feelings were hurt and I was confused to the point where I had a breakdown.
I will spare some of the details, but basically I was crying so hard and so uncontrollably that it was hard to breathe. I was unable to be coached because a whole host of emotions overtook me and it was overwhelming. Luckily, I had a chat with my peer coach and we decided that even though I was hurt by the feedback I got and took it personally, I was not a quitter and I would coach her instead.
For whatever reason that breakdown was exactly what I needed, everything transitioned seamlessly after that. The coaching, the emotional connecting, everything clicked. I had had a barrier and a disconnect from feeling close to God and I think getting to that point and after that breakthrough I just allowed everything I was trying to carry myself to be released. It has been several weeks since that occurred, but I do remember feeling at peace, and coming to a hard realization that would put my strength and my discipline to the test in order to beat my eating demon for good (which I still haven't done, but that is a whole other discussion in itself!)
In coaching we talked about take away messages, and how having a take away from a Aha moment gives it more meaning to you and allows you to remind yourself of the simple truth whenever you need to.
My take away was simple, and it was what everyone had been telling me and I had been hearing for awhile, but for whatever reason I didn't get it until I GOT it.
Emotions are blessings.
Being able to feel emotions in a deep and powerful way is a blessing.
I am reminded of Jesus having strong emotions and not trying to hide them, he openly was both angered and sad at one point or another.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
"And Jesus entered the temple[and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” Matthew 21:12-13
The thought then occurred to me that I did not need to judge emotions as good or bad or try to not feel them, but instead let myself feel every emotion and not suppress them. I know it sounds simple in theory, but in reality it is much harder. I have walked a path of coping all of my life and now I'm trying to create a new path of coping that can override the well beaten path in which, while dysfunctional, was my normal and predictable pattern. Dysfunctional becomes normal and known, and it is your security, because you know how to adjust and behave and do so from either point of extremes.
Ahh but what happens when you leave that well beaten path and create a new one? A path that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. This requires intention and effort as taking the old path is more or less "automatic" and easier to do. Where would I get this intention and effort to make a new way?
Faith. Unwavering, humbling, gracious, and fearless faith. I've hear people say that faith is the absence of fear, I think that faith is pressing on IN SPITE of your fear. It is having those thoughts of doubt and feeling unsure, but instead of indulging in those thoughts, choosing to press on into what you are called to do as a child of Christ.
I know that I have some reoccurring themes in my blog posts, as these are the things I am most passionate about. Taking all that I know and all that I have experienced and putting complete faith in God, allows him control my life and because I know my father loves me, I feel a sense of relief to not have to try to orchestrate my life. instead it was planned long also.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.
plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Coaching in the Real World
After the last part of our workshop on Thursday, I sent over the paperwork for my internship client to take a look at before Saturday. Luckily in the workshop we got to practice what we would do for our first coaching session. After going through what I was going to say while reviewing the contract, I became very excited and ready for the coaching session. Saturday morning could not come soon enough!
Saturday morning did come, and I met my client at the library where we had our first session in a private study room. Between Thursday and Saturday I had rehearsed what was going to say when going over the paperwork, but I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say when I was to share my life story.
The contract talk was easy, and while my life story was abbreviated, it painted a good picture of how my childhood, recent revelations and faith in God have lead me to point I am at today. We learned in class to share personal details to catalyze authenticity, and I was happy when my client shared very personal details regarding their life story. Their ability to open up about their past helps me a coach to better understand them.
After sharing stories, we looked at one of the coaching tools, The Wheel of Life, to determine the level of satisfaction within the different areas. They stepped through each area and gave feedback for each part. At the end I brought up the 3 areas that they rated the lowest, and the decision was to set a financial goal for the next 6 weeks. (6 weeks in the length of time of the internship, however I have spoke to my client about continuing after the first 6 weeks).
So they set a goal to save 10% and off we went to determine the potential action steps to help make saving money happen. Each question I asked came back to the same answer. Everything circled back to this one main theme.
God. The relationship with God. The trust in God.
So I named this. I don't know if it's considered leading or not (I'll ask my trainer though) "I know we set a goal for saving money, but I am hearing you bring up God alot in your answers/conversation, where is your heart at this point?"
At that moment my heart was leading the conversation, and once we switched gears to speak of their relationship with God, everything just clicked.
Action steps were decided and although they lack a support system immediately, I reminded them that I will be there for them. To provide the best S.E,A I can. They know that I will be checking in, but they don't know when or how. So I have the upper hand in terms of providing the best encouragement and accountability.
At the end of the session I wanted to debrief, to find out what their biggest takeaway was and what they thought about everything.
The take away was they are ready and excited and emotional because they know it's going to be a great experience. It fills my heart with overwhelming love and joy to know that through the power of the holy spirit speaking through me, I can touch someone else's life.
Our church sermon today talked a little about these things. Saying Yes to God changes the world. He will bring about blessings in unexpected places. My internship client is as much of a blessing to me as I am to them.
Greater is he living in me than he who is in the world.
As for the technical parts of coaching, I didn't stress, I remained in the moment, fully present and aware and I was able to coach from my heart. I think in terms of meeting all of the objectives for the coaching curriculum, I was successful.
In terms of having a loving heart, just caring and loving my neighbor, I was right there. There is no promise that you will not endure a storm, even in the midst of God's will. But there is the promise that you will not endure the storm alone. No it was not perfect, however I rest in knowing that it is not up to me to make decisions. When you give yourself over to God, you have a peace that does not bring about worrying.
I just bask in the joy that I feel and the love and hope I desire to show and the happiness I want to share.
YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.' 31"The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' Mark 12:30-31
Saturday morning did come, and I met my client at the library where we had our first session in a private study room. Between Thursday and Saturday I had rehearsed what was going to say when going over the paperwork, but I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say when I was to share my life story.
The contract talk was easy, and while my life story was abbreviated, it painted a good picture of how my childhood, recent revelations and faith in God have lead me to point I am at today. We learned in class to share personal details to catalyze authenticity, and I was happy when my client shared very personal details regarding their life story. Their ability to open up about their past helps me a coach to better understand them.
After sharing stories, we looked at one of the coaching tools, The Wheel of Life, to determine the level of satisfaction within the different areas. They stepped through each area and gave feedback for each part. At the end I brought up the 3 areas that they rated the lowest, and the decision was to set a financial goal for the next 6 weeks. (6 weeks in the length of time of the internship, however I have spoke to my client about continuing after the first 6 weeks).
So they set a goal to save 10% and off we went to determine the potential action steps to help make saving money happen. Each question I asked came back to the same answer. Everything circled back to this one main theme.
God. The relationship with God. The trust in God.
So I named this. I don't know if it's considered leading or not (I'll ask my trainer though) "I know we set a goal for saving money, but I am hearing you bring up God alot in your answers/conversation, where is your heart at this point?"
At that moment my heart was leading the conversation, and once we switched gears to speak of their relationship with God, everything just clicked.
Action steps were decided and although they lack a support system immediately, I reminded them that I will be there for them. To provide the best S.E,A I can. They know that I will be checking in, but they don't know when or how. So I have the upper hand in terms of providing the best encouragement and accountability.
At the end of the session I wanted to debrief, to find out what their biggest takeaway was and what they thought about everything.
The take away was they are ready and excited and emotional because they know it's going to be a great experience. It fills my heart with overwhelming love and joy to know that through the power of the holy spirit speaking through me, I can touch someone else's life.
Our church sermon today talked a little about these things. Saying Yes to God changes the world. He will bring about blessings in unexpected places. My internship client is as much of a blessing to me as I am to them.
Greater is he living in me than he who is in the world.
As for the technical parts of coaching, I didn't stress, I remained in the moment, fully present and aware and I was able to coach from my heart. I think in terms of meeting all of the objectives for the coaching curriculum, I was successful.
In terms of having a loving heart, just caring and loving my neighbor, I was right there. There is no promise that you will not endure a storm, even in the midst of God's will. But there is the promise that you will not endure the storm alone. No it was not perfect, however I rest in knowing that it is not up to me to make decisions. When you give yourself over to God, you have a peace that does not bring about worrying.
I just bask in the joy that I feel and the love and hope I desire to show and the happiness I want to share.
YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.' 31"The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' Mark 12:30-31
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Marathon Coach Training - Saturday Peer Meeting and Workshop
After going to the retreat two weekends ago, it has been great to see how God has worked in my life, specifically my self- image and my marriage and relationships with others. It is one thing to say that you are giving everything over to God, and another thing to actually do it.
There is something so liberating to take the pressure off of yourself and seek your identity in Christ and his plan for you. There seems to be a theme in my posts, to breaks the bonds that bind you to this world so you are free to live out your ultimate purpose and his plan for you life. Considering this, it is amazing how God connected me to my internship and as promised I will share that story.
After the retreat, I received a facebook request from a woman that was also at the retreat that we share a mutual friend. I thought it was really nice to be friended, especially since we did not talk to each other directly at the retreat. Then on Tuesday I saw that she posted that she was convicted by the message of the retreat and she is ready to get some things in order. Without skipping a beat I messaged her, explaining everything about coaching and what I can offer. Not thinking that she was respond and actually be interested, she did! She replied saying that she would love to work together! On Thursday morning I also spoke with her on the phone and after my conversation with her, I am more than ready to begin coaching her on Saturday! I am not sure what I will be coaching her on, but one common thread is that we've decided that God put us in the place we are, and has orchestrated this relationship.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, the last day of the unsupervised peer meeting where my peer and I got to share our progress and final thoughts and debrief about our coaching abilities. Bottom line, we were both very gracious about God and the insight he gave us regarding our respective issues. I took that gracious attitude in with me to the workshop where during one activity we got the chance to coach one of our classmates. The way the activity worked was there was one main coach and a backup coach, I ended up being the back up coach to be "tagged" when the main coach was stuck.
I sat there and waited to be tagged by her, and it wasn't until the end of the session she tagged me in, and I was able to ask an accountability question. I realized that we have different coaching styles. She was asking surface level fact-gathering questions, and towards the end I asked a question about knowing the solutions discussed which one could she commit to for the upcoming week? This allowed for her to become emotional and able to reevaluate her situation. It was very rewarding to be able to help her see a potential solution to her problem (through the power of the holy spirit).
During the workshop it was also a time of giving and receiving feedback regarding coaching styles and our "elevator speech". We had to give a short blurb about what our niche is as a life coach and what we do as a life coach. I explained myself as a "personal change expert" and that I wanted to partner with people to help them reach their ultimate potential as children of God. While I have this idea as my niche, the thought of focusing on this type of growth is intimidating. I've still been prayerfully considering the focus that I want to have, and this point I am being lead to the same point each time.
Just the thought of being able to work with someone and help them achieve all the glory that God has planned for them, and help them get closer to God makes my heart full of joy and excitement. Now that I can say that my niche is "Breakthrough, Life Purpose and Life Balance" coaching, the next steps question that I seek guidance on is coaching as a business or coaching as a ministry.
I will end this post here and the next post will be about the above dilemma.
In light of my decided focus, I leave you with Proverbs 3:5-7, the only way to gain insight and wisdom is to openly seek and depend on the holy spirit.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all of your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.
There is something so liberating to take the pressure off of yourself and seek your identity in Christ and his plan for you. There seems to be a theme in my posts, to breaks the bonds that bind you to this world so you are free to live out your ultimate purpose and his plan for you life. Considering this, it is amazing how God connected me to my internship and as promised I will share that story.
After the retreat, I received a facebook request from a woman that was also at the retreat that we share a mutual friend. I thought it was really nice to be friended, especially since we did not talk to each other directly at the retreat. Then on Tuesday I saw that she posted that she was convicted by the message of the retreat and she is ready to get some things in order. Without skipping a beat I messaged her, explaining everything about coaching and what I can offer. Not thinking that she was respond and actually be interested, she did! She replied saying that she would love to work together! On Thursday morning I also spoke with her on the phone and after my conversation with her, I am more than ready to begin coaching her on Saturday! I am not sure what I will be coaching her on, but one common thread is that we've decided that God put us in the place we are, and has orchestrated this relationship.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, the last day of the unsupervised peer meeting where my peer and I got to share our progress and final thoughts and debrief about our coaching abilities. Bottom line, we were both very gracious about God and the insight he gave us regarding our respective issues. I took that gracious attitude in with me to the workshop where during one activity we got the chance to coach one of our classmates. The way the activity worked was there was one main coach and a backup coach, I ended up being the back up coach to be "tagged" when the main coach was stuck.
I sat there and waited to be tagged by her, and it wasn't until the end of the session she tagged me in, and I was able to ask an accountability question. I realized that we have different coaching styles. She was asking surface level fact-gathering questions, and towards the end I asked a question about knowing the solutions discussed which one could she commit to for the upcoming week? This allowed for her to become emotional and able to reevaluate her situation. It was very rewarding to be able to help her see a potential solution to her problem (through the power of the holy spirit).
During the workshop it was also a time of giving and receiving feedback regarding coaching styles and our "elevator speech". We had to give a short blurb about what our niche is as a life coach and what we do as a life coach. I explained myself as a "personal change expert" and that I wanted to partner with people to help them reach their ultimate potential as children of God. While I have this idea as my niche, the thought of focusing on this type of growth is intimidating. I've still been prayerfully considering the focus that I want to have, and this point I am being lead to the same point each time.
Just the thought of being able to work with someone and help them achieve all the glory that God has planned for them, and help them get closer to God makes my heart full of joy and excitement. Now that I can say that my niche is "Breakthrough, Life Purpose and Life Balance" coaching, the next steps question that I seek guidance on is coaching as a business or coaching as a ministry.
I will end this post here and the next post will be about the above dilemma.
In light of my decided focus, I leave you with Proverbs 3:5-7, the only way to gain insight and wisdom is to openly seek and depend on the holy spirit.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all of your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Skipping Ahead
I can't keep up! I know I am behind on my posts, so I am going to just blog about ALL of the things that have been happening since last week.
The next topic I was going to talk about was about how we learned that success and failure are NOT absolutes. Instead, any sort of insight is actually progress. Being able to view your situation from a new point of view allows you to make small discoveries and uncover new truths about yourself and whatever your goal is. I also found out that this way of framing your thoughts and understanding brings the obstacles to your goal into the light so you can tackle them once and for all! This knowledge came in handy at the Women's Retreat I went to last weekend.
Going into the Women's Retreat I was excited and did not know what to expect. There was no way I could have predicted what happened or the transformation that occurred. In the days leading up to the retreat, I was battling with feelings of severe loneliness and isolation. One day, I did not move from my couch all day. With feelings of this sort emotional eating is never far behind. My drug of choice is sugar, specifically ice cream and cookies. I won't tell you how much of both I consumed in a short amount of time, but it is enough to remind me that it is a problem.
Since my husband has been gone alot, I was feeling that our marriage was really strained, and that coupled with some less that encouraging comments about life coaching from one of my small groups really set my mood at low. The retreat could not have came at a better time, my goal was to get to know a few ladies better and to recharge my batteries.Well I didn't just recharge my batteries, I hit the RESET button.
Being in that type of environment is conducive to spiritual transformation. The whole idea behind retreats is that people come together to worship and build community. Our guest speaker was a life coach and counselor that offered us several nuggets of wisdom and insightful quotes.
There is purpose in pain.
God sees me.
God often allows what he hates to allow what he loves the most.
Total Forgiveness is a sign that I am truly broken. (Broken people have fully surrendered to God)
The only way to integrate truth and reality is community.
We have the power to change our reality by the Holy Spirit who controls our thoughts.
These quotes and bits of wisdom really started to speak to me. It doesn't take much to get me to become emotional anyway and while some words and music drew out emotion, I give all of the credit to my quiet time and my connection with God and the holy spirit. On the second day in the morning, we talked alot about forgiveness and letting go. We were tasked to write something we needed to forgive/let go of on some stones and then go drop these stones into the water, where they could sink to the bottom or be washed away.
Truthfully I am getting ahead of myself, before we did that exercise we had some time to go out individually and seek God. During my quiet time I had every intention of reviewing some of the verses that we discussed in our session, but the holy spirit thought otherwise. In trying to find one verse, my bible kept flipping to another page, so much that I took it as a sign and read the page. The title was, "Hold Your Tongue" and it talked about how little remarks and sarcastic jabs and comments are really an outpour of the condition of your heart. I was convicted by this because I had engaged in this type and was feeling guilty for talking to my husband in this way and even talking about him to others. Reading this lead me to another that I have come back to alot within the past week.
The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Matthew 12:34
I've been praying for a heart of compassion and joy so all of my actions are from the overflow of my heart.
Keep your heart with vigilance, for from it flows the spring of life. Proverbs 4:23
From this moment, I decided that I needed to let go of my bitterness towards my husband and his job and everything along with it. That was once rock, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done with me yet.
Knowing that I allow myself to entertain thoughts of unworthiness, the other thing she covered was Satan's attack on your thoughts, and how you need to "quiet the committee" in your head and speak truth over all of the lies that you tell yourself. I know that speaking truth is a reoccurring theme in my blogs, so this is no different. It seems so simple to control your mind, but really when you get down to it you aren't in control of anything.
Stay with me while I explore something. We are naturally sinners and self-focused. When we receive the trinity, the holy spirit comes alive inside of us and from it we bear the fruit of the spirit. We often call on the holy spirit to guide or speak through us during particular moments in time, however, what would it look like if you allowed the spirit to speak life and truth of the time, knowing that when you are not speaking life, you are speaking out of your sinful nature often aggravated by thoughts planted in your head by the enemy?
In essence, of all these lies I cursed myself with are a direct reflection of a thought I let linger too long in my head until it became a false truth. The only way to rid myself of these false truths, is to accept the ultimate truth and allow for God to do a work in me, guiding my every thought and every action where I no longer have control.
There is the other rock. The need for control.
Once I let go literally and figuratively of those rocks, I experienced a new sense of freedom. How freeing it is to not be in control of life, and to not have to worry or anticipate the next move. He has it figured out and all you need to do is as my mother says is, "Let Go and Let God."
I know this is a long post, so I will attempt to wrap things up. After putting those two things in perspective for myself, I am now able to apply these truths to my marriage. Prayer is my new best friend, along with some deeper relationships with Godly women.
Without a doubt I know that my husband is a gift from God to me, and that we are meant to do great things together. By putting God first in our marriage by prayer and scripture, everything else just falls into place, funny how not trying to control things and being more in the moment has that effect.
These truths are my mantra when I start to feel "less than". With food and wanting to control and regulate everything, I am at a point now where I've given up that need to control. I am staying fully aware of God's presence around me all of the time, including when I am home by myself. When it comes to food I am asking myself what is the purpose for eating this and will it feed and nourish my body?
So I've let go of my strict diet and exercise regimen and my only focus at the present time is to be filled with joy and spread that job by cultivating authentic relationships with others. Sure I still go about my household responsibilities, but now it is more of a "servant heart" instead of a "slave heart."
Praise God for everything he has done and will do, and as I will post shortly, he recently blessed me with a client for my internship that I needed. I feel this is just the tip of the iceberg of everything he has planned for me.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
The next topic I was going to talk about was about how we learned that success and failure are NOT absolutes. Instead, any sort of insight is actually progress. Being able to view your situation from a new point of view allows you to make small discoveries and uncover new truths about yourself and whatever your goal is. I also found out that this way of framing your thoughts and understanding brings the obstacles to your goal into the light so you can tackle them once and for all! This knowledge came in handy at the Women's Retreat I went to last weekend.
Going into the Women's Retreat I was excited and did not know what to expect. There was no way I could have predicted what happened or the transformation that occurred. In the days leading up to the retreat, I was battling with feelings of severe loneliness and isolation. One day, I did not move from my couch all day. With feelings of this sort emotional eating is never far behind. My drug of choice is sugar, specifically ice cream and cookies. I won't tell you how much of both I consumed in a short amount of time, but it is enough to remind me that it is a problem.
Since my husband has been gone alot, I was feeling that our marriage was really strained, and that coupled with some less that encouraging comments about life coaching from one of my small groups really set my mood at low. The retreat could not have came at a better time, my goal was to get to know a few ladies better and to recharge my batteries.Well I didn't just recharge my batteries, I hit the RESET button.
Being in that type of environment is conducive to spiritual transformation. The whole idea behind retreats is that people come together to worship and build community. Our guest speaker was a life coach and counselor that offered us several nuggets of wisdom and insightful quotes.
There is purpose in pain.
God sees me.
God often allows what he hates to allow what he loves the most.
Total Forgiveness is a sign that I am truly broken. (Broken people have fully surrendered to God)
The only way to integrate truth and reality is community.
We have the power to change our reality by the Holy Spirit who controls our thoughts.
These quotes and bits of wisdom really started to speak to me. It doesn't take much to get me to become emotional anyway and while some words and music drew out emotion, I give all of the credit to my quiet time and my connection with God and the holy spirit. On the second day in the morning, we talked alot about forgiveness and letting go. We were tasked to write something we needed to forgive/let go of on some stones and then go drop these stones into the water, where they could sink to the bottom or be washed away.
Truthfully I am getting ahead of myself, before we did that exercise we had some time to go out individually and seek God. During my quiet time I had every intention of reviewing some of the verses that we discussed in our session, but the holy spirit thought otherwise. In trying to find one verse, my bible kept flipping to another page, so much that I took it as a sign and read the page. The title was, "Hold Your Tongue" and it talked about how little remarks and sarcastic jabs and comments are really an outpour of the condition of your heart. I was convicted by this because I had engaged in this type and was feeling guilty for talking to my husband in this way and even talking about him to others. Reading this lead me to another that I have come back to alot within the past week.
The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Matthew 12:34
I've been praying for a heart of compassion and joy so all of my actions are from the overflow of my heart.
Keep your heart with vigilance, for from it flows the spring of life. Proverbs 4:23
From this moment, I decided that I needed to let go of my bitterness towards my husband and his job and everything along with it. That was once rock, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done with me yet.
Knowing that I allow myself to entertain thoughts of unworthiness, the other thing she covered was Satan's attack on your thoughts, and how you need to "quiet the committee" in your head and speak truth over all of the lies that you tell yourself. I know that speaking truth is a reoccurring theme in my blogs, so this is no different. It seems so simple to control your mind, but really when you get down to it you aren't in control of anything.
Stay with me while I explore something. We are naturally sinners and self-focused. When we receive the trinity, the holy spirit comes alive inside of us and from it we bear the fruit of the spirit. We often call on the holy spirit to guide or speak through us during particular moments in time, however, what would it look like if you allowed the spirit to speak life and truth of the time, knowing that when you are not speaking life, you are speaking out of your sinful nature often aggravated by thoughts planted in your head by the enemy?
In essence, of all these lies I cursed myself with are a direct reflection of a thought I let linger too long in my head until it became a false truth. The only way to rid myself of these false truths, is to accept the ultimate truth and allow for God to do a work in me, guiding my every thought and every action where I no longer have control.
There is the other rock. The need for control.
Once I let go literally and figuratively of those rocks, I experienced a new sense of freedom. How freeing it is to not be in control of life, and to not have to worry or anticipate the next move. He has it figured out and all you need to do is as my mother says is, "Let Go and Let God."
I know this is a long post, so I will attempt to wrap things up. After putting those two things in perspective for myself, I am now able to apply these truths to my marriage. Prayer is my new best friend, along with some deeper relationships with Godly women.
Without a doubt I know that my husband is a gift from God to me, and that we are meant to do great things together. By putting God first in our marriage by prayer and scripture, everything else just falls into place, funny how not trying to control things and being more in the moment has that effect.
These truths are my mantra when I start to feel "less than". With food and wanting to control and regulate everything, I am at a point now where I've given up that need to control. I am staying fully aware of God's presence around me all of the time, including when I am home by myself. When it comes to food I am asking myself what is the purpose for eating this and will it feed and nourish my body?
So I've let go of my strict diet and exercise regimen and my only focus at the present time is to be filled with joy and spread that job by cultivating authentic relationships with others. Sure I still go about my household responsibilities, but now it is more of a "servant heart" instead of a "slave heart."
Praise God for everything he has done and will do, and as I will post shortly, he recently blessed me with a client for my internship that I needed. I feel this is just the tip of the iceberg of everything he has planned for me.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Coaching for a Teachable Moment vs. Coaching for Following an Agenda
I get so far behind on these posts, it is getting frustrating! The post is about my peer meeting I had last Sunday, but I'm sure some stuff that happened this week is bound to creep in.
Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.
Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was "in control" and happy. That's kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn't go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.
The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.
After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.
My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday's class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday's class regarding redefining success.
Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.
Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was "in control" and happy. That's kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn't go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.
The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.
After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.
My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday's class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday's class regarding redefining success.
Friday, October 16, 2015
S.E.A
Yes, Another acronym. This one is simple, yet powerful and effective. The idea behind these three letters are support, encouragement and accountability. Essentially it is three additional things you can do to further help your client (or anyone really) to stick to their goal.
In preparation for this class, we listened to an audio that went into detail about what it means to provide these three key things in a coaching relationship. People need these three things right away after committing to a goal in order to stay energized, or at the very least right around the three week lull point, where motivation dips and we need to swoop in and recharge their batteries.
What causes someone to desire to reach a goal is the result of a particular experience brought on by a teachable/coachable moment. From this pressure point, people are compelled to make a change, brought on by pain or desire. S.E.A. takes their initial energy to change and keeps them going. I picture the energizer bunny, that a coach is responsible for keeping the client going and going.
I enjoy being supportive and encouraging. I have no problem messaging my peer coach a helpful bible verse or quote that I think they may benefit from. Text messages and encouraging words are really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how a coach can help the client. Interestingly to me, the idea here again is that forget what is motivating to you, instead focus on the specific person and what is important and motivating to them.
I sent my peer partner two bible verses this past week, and they sent me an inspirational quote, along with positive words of encouragement. These gestures have been really helpful, but honestly what has been the most helpful thus far is having someone else that is taking the journey with me.
In class we mentioned that needy clients might need to be referred to other possible resources or people that provide the level of S.E.A they desire. One of these ways is by having close family or friends help hold you accountable toward your goal. Bonus points if the two of you happen to be working towards the same goal.
I can honestly say that is what I have now, we constantly check in and text one another in hopes to stay on track and keep each other in check. This has been great for me, and has proven that having someone on your journey with you AND another person invested in your success is invaluable.
Am I perfect? No, only God is perfect. Do I make mistakes? Yes, All of the time. But I am no longer cursing myself. While I make less than ideal choices, I still have not spoke ill or negative of myself. I had a classmate compliment me in class and I was actually able to accept the compliment and feel the truth behind it.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
The best part of my beauty and self confidence that I have seen emerge stems from my weakness. I am made more beautiful in his strength, and covered in the power of his great love.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Ephesians 3:16
I have my peer meeting tomorrow morning, and I have so much to say. So many moments and experiences that need mentioning. So much self-discovery occurring and I am blessed to be in this current season.
I've been challenged by the holy spirit to strengthen a relationship close to me. It really has been on my heart for awhile and I was able to act on rebuilding and nurturing that relationship this past week.
It wasn't anything spectacular, and it wasn't some grand gesture. It was a simple text message sent with a picture of me and my puppy which then lead to a catch up phone call the next day.
It's funny, you think you know someone because they've been a certain way your whole life, and then God comes along and through the power of the holy spirit completely transform them.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
I'm building what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. A strong relationship with my father. While I wrestle with the harsh words spoken to me as a little girl, I've also been flooded with words of pride and acceptance. These words cast a light into the darkness of my past and fill my soul with abundant love.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:14
In preparation for this class, we listened to an audio that went into detail about what it means to provide these three key things in a coaching relationship. People need these three things right away after committing to a goal in order to stay energized, or at the very least right around the three week lull point, where motivation dips and we need to swoop in and recharge their batteries.
What causes someone to desire to reach a goal is the result of a particular experience brought on by a teachable/coachable moment. From this pressure point, people are compelled to make a change, brought on by pain or desire. S.E.A. takes their initial energy to change and keeps them going. I picture the energizer bunny, that a coach is responsible for keeping the client going and going.
I enjoy being supportive and encouraging. I have no problem messaging my peer coach a helpful bible verse or quote that I think they may benefit from. Text messages and encouraging words are really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how a coach can help the client. Interestingly to me, the idea here again is that forget what is motivating to you, instead focus on the specific person and what is important and motivating to them.
I sent my peer partner two bible verses this past week, and they sent me an inspirational quote, along with positive words of encouragement. These gestures have been really helpful, but honestly what has been the most helpful thus far is having someone else that is taking the journey with me.
In class we mentioned that needy clients might need to be referred to other possible resources or people that provide the level of S.E.A they desire. One of these ways is by having close family or friends help hold you accountable toward your goal. Bonus points if the two of you happen to be working towards the same goal.
I can honestly say that is what I have now, we constantly check in and text one another in hopes to stay on track and keep each other in check. This has been great for me, and has proven that having someone on your journey with you AND another person invested in your success is invaluable.
Am I perfect? No, only God is perfect. Do I make mistakes? Yes, All of the time. But I am no longer cursing myself. While I make less than ideal choices, I still have not spoke ill or negative of myself. I had a classmate compliment me in class and I was actually able to accept the compliment and feel the truth behind it.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
The best part of my beauty and self confidence that I have seen emerge stems from my weakness. I am made more beautiful in his strength, and covered in the power of his great love.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Ephesians 3:16
I have my peer meeting tomorrow morning, and I have so much to say. So many moments and experiences that need mentioning. So much self-discovery occurring and I am blessed to be in this current season.
I've been challenged by the holy spirit to strengthen a relationship close to me. It really has been on my heart for awhile and I was able to act on rebuilding and nurturing that relationship this past week.
It wasn't anything spectacular, and it wasn't some grand gesture. It was a simple text message sent with a picture of me and my puppy which then lead to a catch up phone call the next day.
It's funny, you think you know someone because they've been a certain way your whole life, and then God comes along and through the power of the holy spirit completely transform them.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
I'm building what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. A strong relationship with my father. While I wrestle with the harsh words spoken to me as a little girl, I've also been flooded with words of pride and acceptance. These words cast a light into the darkness of my past and fill my soul with abundant love.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:14
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