2016 - What is in store for me?

I officially graduated when I coached my trainer one last time just to iron out the details on December 21. I felt a sense of joy and relief, but it was soon coupled with worry and uncertainty.

Ok so I completed the training, NOW WHAT? WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

I prayed hard and looked for signs and answers and made up things I thought were signs and answers all the while something much better was taking place. I hate admitting this, but it was like I was giving God an ultimatum in a way, or at least putting contingencies on his power and plan for me. (Lord I know that if this person responds after sending her this then I know this is a sign to take coaching into a business)

Ha. Who am I to to make such demands? I am not going to tell him what to do because he is not going to do it. Ultimately I don't want him to give me what I want, I want him to give me what is best and what he has planned for me. It is worth mentioning that even though my official internship is over ,I still meet and talk with my client, as we have somewhat adjusted our relationship into that of peer accountability". After talking with her the other morning, I also called my mom where I openly shared the above realization with her. Not a second later than me saying " I am going to stop trying to make things happen and just let them happen" does the other line ring in and it is a women that I had emailed the previous night asking if she would mentor me.

We spoke for about an hour, she asked me questions about my vision, my goals, my ideas and my passion for where I wanted to take my coaching. I could not really answer those questions, but I told her that money was not really important to me. It is more important that I would be able to help people either rediscover or discover their purpose and God's plan for their lives. I want to work with "spiritually stagnant" people and help them grow closer to God. As my internship client said that once God was number one, EVERYTHING else in her life improved. (Side note that on the last day of formal coaching I asked her to rate the areas in the wheel of life again and in all areas she rated much higher). This is the same message I want to share with other people I coach.

The mentor coach I spoke with gave me ideas of how to proceed through her own story of getting started and how that changed slightly from year to year. While I do not have a background in offering retreats as she did,  I do have the acknowledgement that while in prayer I have felt that I should start a small group (I have felt this way for awhile now, at least a few months).

I thought that having a small group would limit what I did with my coaching into a specific ministry, however while researching bible studies over the internet I learned that it will just be the beginning,

After the study on "Chazown", participants are asked to come with a SMART goal. It is from this goal that they are to take the next steps to fully embracing God's chazown, or vision for their life. It is also from a SMART goal that coaching journey is born.

So there are the next steps, I am taking coaching into my church to fully help people embrace their unique purpose by doing the "Chazown" series and I am also offering additional one-on-one help with SMART goals and accountability after the program is finished.

Much like the decision to pursue coaching, I feel a sense of excitement and calm about the next move. I know that eventually I may also take the Chazown study and do it online, offering the exact same thing to people all of the world who want to discover God's vision for their lives. So if you are reading this and interested, stay tuned because a website, facebook page and online bible study offering will all be in the works!

I have named my "business" Butterfly Beginnings. This symbolizes the transformation that occurs when we become reborn as a result of the holy spirit inside of us.

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again" John 3:3

As 2015 comes to a close I am grateful for many things, and the main one being my heavenly father taking me and reshaping me and transforming me as his disciple. I have no "New Years Resolutions" (as research says they will mostly likely fail). Instead I have promises to uphold Christ-like character and be obedient to him.

These "promises" consist of 21 days of prayer and fasting that start on Sunday. I am ready to commit to 21 days of prayer and pray for whatever is laid on my heart. I am committed to the fast, because it will be a fast from sugar, caffeine, meat, dairy and gluten. I will eat only fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds for 21 days. I do this not as a way to lose holiday weight, but in utmost devotion to my Lord and Savior.

I will continue to arm myself  and protect against inferior thoughts, not letting the enemy infiltrate my mind anymore with lies and false truths. In everything I do I will honor and respect my body and myself as they do not belong to me.

 "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." ! Corinthians 6:19-20

Catch Up from Last Month- My "Aha moment" before Graduation

Wow! I just noticed that it has been since November 8th since I posted! So much has happened since then, one thing is that I am no longer training to be a life coach, I am now a certified growth coach (which I happen to like the name better than life coach anyway)

The weeks from early November until now have been all over the place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy and sad. When I started coaching internship is when I let things slack, but it is also when I grew the most in understanding my identity in Christ. I specifically grew the most when I was challenged with specific feedback towards the end of the program.

My trainer gave me feedback one week during my 3-way session with her and my peer coach to get out of "task-mode" and becoming more emotionally in tune with the client. I thought at first this was strange, since I know that I have a tendency to become TOO emotionally involved and invested when client's share their stories. Apparently I was working hard not to absorb their emotion too much and it came across as "checking off boxes" and moving from step to step of the model we were taught to use. I listened to a recording of my coaching session with my internship client and saw that she was correct, you could hear the mental shift in my voice and it proved to be disengaging.

That next week I coached as many people as I could (that would let me) trying to focus on emotional tone and not to switch over to logical tone. When the next peer session came around I thought for sure that I had nailed it, she gave us a practice session before we went into our actual sessions and during that time is when I lost it.

The feedback I was getting was I still wasn't emotionally invested and it did not seem like I was engaged (which could not have been farther from the truth!) I didn't understand what she was talking about! I had changed my voice to be low, non-threatening and nurturing and now she said that it was emotionless, well what in the world was she looking for?! I didn't know and at that point, I just lost it. Everything became too much to handle and my feelings were hurt and I was confused to the point where I had a breakdown.

I will spare some of the details, but basically I was crying so hard and so uncontrollably that it was hard to breathe. I was unable to be coached because a whole host of emotions overtook me and it was overwhelming. Luckily, I had a chat with my peer coach and we decided that even though I was hurt by the feedback I got and took it personally, I was not a quitter and I would coach her instead.

For whatever reason that breakdown was exactly what I needed, everything transitioned seamlessly after that. The coaching, the emotional connecting, everything clicked. I had had a barrier and a disconnect from feeling close to God and I think getting to that point and after that breakthrough I just allowed everything I was trying to carry myself to be released. It has been several weeks since that occurred, but I do remember feeling at peace, and coming to a hard realization that would put my strength and my discipline to the test in order to beat my eating demon for good (which I still haven't done, but that is a whole other discussion in itself!)

In coaching we talked about take away messages, and how having a take away from a Aha moment gives it more meaning to you and allows you to remind yourself of the simple truth whenever you need to.

My take away was simple, and it was what everyone had been telling me and I had been hearing for awhile, but for whatever reason I didn't get it until I GOT it.

Emotions are blessings.

Being able to feel emotions in a deep and powerful way is a blessing. 

I am reminded of Jesus having strong emotions and not trying to hide them, he openly was both angered and sad at one point or another.

"Jesus wept." John 11:35

"And Jesus entered the temple[and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” Matthew 21:12-13

The thought then occurred to me that I did not need to judge emotions as good or bad or try to not feel them, but instead let myself feel every emotion and not suppress them. I know it sounds simple in theory, but in reality it is much harder. I have walked a path of coping all of my life and now I'm trying to create a new path of coping that can override the well beaten path in which, while dysfunctional, was my normal and predictable pattern. Dysfunctional becomes normal and known, and it is your security, because you know how to adjust and behave and do so from either point of extremes.

Ahh but what happens when you leave that well beaten path and create a new one? A path that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. This requires intention and effort as taking the old path is more or less "automatic" and easier to do. Where would I get this intention and effort to make a new way?

Faith. Unwavering, humbling, gracious, and fearless faith. I've hear people say that faith is the absence of fear, I think that faith is pressing on IN SPITE of your fear. It is having those thoughts of doubt and feeling unsure, but instead of indulging in those thoughts, choosing to press on into what you are called to do as a child of Christ.

I know that I have some reoccurring themes in my blog posts, as these are the things I am most passionate about. Taking all that I know and all that I have experienced and putting complete faith in God, allows him control my life and because I know my father loves me, I feel a sense of relief to not have to try to orchestrate my life. instead it was planned long also.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Coaching in the Real World

After the last part of our workshop on Thursday, I sent over the paperwork for my internship client to take a look at before Saturday. Luckily in the workshop we got to practice what we would do for our first coaching session. After going through what I was going to say while reviewing the contract, I  became very excited and ready for the coaching session. Saturday morning could not come soon enough!

Saturday morning did come, and I met my client at the library where we had our first session in a private study room. Between Thursday and Saturday I had rehearsed what was going to say when going over the paperwork, but I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say when I was to share my life story.

The contract talk was easy, and while my life story was abbreviated, it painted a good picture of how my childhood, recent revelations and faith in God have lead me to point I am at today. We learned in class to share personal details to catalyze authenticity, and I was happy when my client shared very personal details regarding their life story. Their ability to open up about their past helps me a coach to better understand them.

After sharing stories, we looked at one of the coaching tools, The Wheel of Life, to determine the level of satisfaction within the different areas. They stepped through each area and gave feedback for each part. At the end I brought up the 3 areas that they rated the lowest, and the decision was to set a financial goal for the next 6 weeks. (6 weeks in the length of time of the internship, however I have spoke to my client about continuing after the first 6 weeks).

So they set a goal to save 10% and off we went to determine the potential action steps to help make saving money happen. Each question I asked came back to the same answer. Everything circled back to this one main theme.

God. The relationship with God. The trust in God.

So I named this. I don't know if it's considered leading or not (I'll ask my trainer though) "I know we set a goal for saving money, but I am hearing you bring up God alot in your answers/conversation, where is your heart at this point?"

At that moment my heart was leading the conversation, and once we switched gears to speak of their relationship with God, everything just clicked.

Action steps were decided and although they lack a support system immediately, I reminded them that I will be there for them. To provide the best S.E,A I can. They know that I will be checking in, but they don't know when or how. So I have the upper hand in terms of providing the best encouragement and accountability.

At the end of the session I wanted to debrief, to find out what their biggest takeaway was and what they thought about everything.

The take away was they are ready and excited and emotional because they know it's going to be a great experience. It fills my heart with overwhelming love and joy to know that through the power of the holy spirit speaking through me, I can touch someone else's life.

Our church sermon today talked a little about these things. Saying Yes to God changes the world. He will bring about blessings in unexpected places. My internship client is as much of a blessing to me as I am to them.

Greater is he living in me than he who is in the world.

As for the technical parts of coaching, I didn't stress, I remained in the moment, fully present and aware and I was able to coach from my heart. I think in terms of meeting all of the objectives for the coaching curriculum, I was successful.

In terms of having a loving heart, just caring and loving my neighbor, I was right there. There is no promise that you will not endure a storm, even in the midst of God's will. But there is the promise that you will not endure the storm alone. No it was not perfect, however I rest in knowing that it is not up to me to make decisions. When you give yourself over to God, you have a peace that does not bring about worrying.

I just bask in the joy that I feel and the love and hope I desire to show and the happiness I want to share.

YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.' 31"The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' Mark 12:30-31

Marathon Coach Training - Saturday Peer Meeting and Workshop

After going to the retreat two weekends ago, it has been great to see how God has worked in my life, specifically my self- image and my marriage and relationships with others. It is one thing to say that you are giving everything over to God, and another thing to actually do it.

There is something so liberating to take the pressure off of yourself and seek your identity in Christ and his plan for you. There seems to be a theme in my posts, to breaks the bonds that bind you to this world so you are free to live out your ultimate purpose and his plan for you life. Considering this, it is amazing how God connected me to my internship and as promised I will share that story.

After the retreat, I received a facebook request from a woman that was also at the retreat that we share a mutual friend. I thought it was really nice to be friended, especially since we did not talk to each other directly at the retreat. Then on Tuesday I saw that she posted that she was convicted by the message of the retreat and she is ready to get some things in order. Without skipping a beat I messaged her, explaining everything about coaching and what I can offer. Not thinking that she was respond and actually be interested, she did! She replied saying that she would love to work together! On Thursday morning I also spoke with her on the phone and after my conversation with her, I am more than ready to begin coaching her on Saturday! I am not sure what I will be coaching her on, but one common thread is that we've decided that God put us in the place we are, and has orchestrated this relationship.

Fast forward to Saturday morning, the last day of the unsupervised peer meeting where my peer and I got to share our progress and final thoughts and debrief about our coaching abilities. Bottom line, we were both very gracious about God and the insight he gave us regarding our respective issues. I took that gracious attitude in with me to the workshop where during one activity we got the chance to coach one of our classmates. The way the activity worked was there was one main coach and a backup coach, I ended up being the back up coach to be "tagged" when the main coach was stuck.

I sat there and waited to be tagged by her, and it wasn't until the end of the session she tagged me in, and I was able to ask an accountability question. I realized that we have different coaching styles. She was asking surface level fact-gathering questions, and towards the end I asked a question about knowing the solutions discussed which one could she commit to for the upcoming week? This allowed for her to become emotional and able to reevaluate her situation. It was very rewarding to be able to help her see a potential solution to her problem (through the power of the holy spirit).

During the workshop it was also a time of giving and receiving feedback regarding coaching styles and our "elevator speech". We had to give a short blurb about what our niche is as a life coach and what we do as a life coach. I explained myself as a "personal change expert" and that I wanted to partner with people to help them reach their ultimate potential as children of God. While I have this idea as my niche, the thought of focusing on this type of growth is intimidating. I've still been prayerfully considering the focus that I want to have, and this point I am being lead to the same point each time.

Just the thought of being able to work with someone and help them achieve all the glory that God has planned for them, and help them get closer to God makes my heart full of joy and excitement. Now that I can say that my niche is "Breakthrough, Life Purpose and Life Balance" coaching, the next steps question that I seek guidance on is coaching as a business or coaching as a ministry.

I will end this post here and the next post will be about the above dilemma.

In light of my decided focus, I leave you with Proverbs 3:5-7, the only way to gain insight and wisdom is to openly seek and depend on the holy spirit.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all of your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.

Skipping Ahead

I can't keep up! I know I am behind on my posts, so I am going to just blog about ALL of the things that have been happening since last week.

The next topic I was going to talk about was about how we learned that success and failure are NOT absolutes. Instead, any sort of insight is actually progress. Being able to view your situation from a new point of view allows you to make small discoveries and uncover new truths about yourself and whatever your goal is. I also found out that this way of framing your thoughts and understanding brings the obstacles to your goal into the light so you can tackle them once and for all! This knowledge came in handy at the Women's Retreat I went to last weekend.

Going into the Women's Retreat I was excited and did not know what to expect. There was no way I could have predicted what happened or the transformation that occurred. In the days leading up to the retreat, I was battling with feelings of severe loneliness and isolation. One day, I did not move from my couch all day. With feelings of this sort emotional eating is never far behind. My drug of choice is sugar, specifically ice cream and cookies. I won't tell you how much of both I consumed in a short amount of time, but it is enough to remind me that it is a problem.

Since my husband has been gone alot, I was feeling that our marriage was really strained, and that coupled with some less that encouraging comments about life coaching from one of my small groups really set my mood at low. The retreat could not have came at a better time, my goal was to get to know a few ladies better and to recharge my batteries.Well I didn't just recharge my batteries, I hit the RESET button.

Being in that type of environment is conducive to spiritual transformation. The whole idea behind retreats is that people come together to worship and build community. Our guest speaker was a life coach and counselor that offered us several nuggets of wisdom and insightful quotes.

There is purpose in pain.

God sees me.

God often allows what he hates to allow what he loves the most.

Total Forgiveness is a sign that I am truly broken. (Broken people have fully surrendered to God)

The only way to integrate truth and reality is community.

We have the power to change our reality by the Holy Spirit who controls our thoughts.

These quotes and bits of wisdom really started to speak to me. It doesn't take much to get me to become emotional anyway and while some words and music drew out emotion, I give all of the credit to my quiet time and my connection with God and the holy spirit. On the second day in the morning, we talked alot about forgiveness and letting go. We were tasked to write something we needed to forgive/let go of on some stones and then go drop these stones into the water, where they could sink to the bottom or be washed away.

Truthfully I am getting ahead of myself, before we did that exercise we had some time to go out individually and seek God. During my quiet time I had every intention of reviewing some of the verses that we discussed in our session, but the holy spirit thought otherwise. In trying to find one verse, my bible kept flipping to another page, so much that I took it as a sign and read the page. The title was, "Hold Your Tongue" and it talked about how little remarks and sarcastic jabs and comments are really an outpour of the condition of your heart. I was convicted  by this because I had engaged in this type and was feeling guilty for talking to my husband in this way and even talking about him to others. Reading this lead me to another that I have come back to alot within the past week.

The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Matthew 12:34

I've been praying for a heart of compassion and joy so all of my actions are from the overflow of my heart.

Keep your heart with vigilance, for from it flows the spring of life. Proverbs 4:23

From this moment, I decided that I needed to let go of my bitterness towards my husband and his job and everything along with it. That was once rock, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done with me yet.

Knowing that I allow myself to entertain thoughts of unworthiness, the other thing she covered was Satan's attack on your thoughts, and how you need to "quiet the committee" in your head and speak truth over all of the lies that you tell yourself. I know that speaking truth is a reoccurring theme in my blogs, so this is no different. It seems so simple to control your mind, but really when you get down to it you aren't in control of anything.

Stay with me while I explore something. We are naturally sinners and self-focused. When we receive the trinity, the holy spirit comes alive inside of us and from it we bear the fruit of the spirit. We often call on the holy spirit to guide or speak through us during particular moments in time, however, what would it look like if you allowed the spirit to speak life and truth of the time, knowing that when you are not speaking life, you are speaking out of your sinful nature often aggravated by thoughts planted in your head by the enemy?

In essence, of all these lies I cursed myself with are a direct reflection of a thought I let linger too long in my head until it became a false truth. The only way to rid myself of these false truths, is to accept the ultimate truth and allow for God to do a work in me, guiding my every thought and every action where I no longer have control.

There is the other rock. The need for control.

Once I let go literally and figuratively of those rocks, I experienced a new sense of freedom. How freeing it is to not be in control of life, and to not have to worry or anticipate the next move. He has it figured out and all you need to do is as my mother says is, "Let Go and Let God."

I know this is a long post, so I will attempt to wrap things up. After putting those two things in perspective for myself, I am now able to apply these truths to my marriage. Prayer is my new best friend, along with some deeper relationships with Godly women.

Without a doubt I know that my husband is a gift from God to me, and that we are meant to do great things together. By putting God first in our marriage by prayer and scripture, everything else just falls into place, funny how not trying to control things and being more in the moment has that effect.

These truths are my mantra when I start to feel "less than". With food and wanting to control and regulate everything, I am at a point now where I've given up that need to control. I am staying fully aware of God's presence around me all of the time, including when I am home by myself. When it comes to food I am asking myself what is the purpose for eating this and will it feed and nourish my body?

So I've let go of my strict diet and exercise regimen and my only focus at the present time is to be filled with joy and spread that job by cultivating authentic relationships with others. Sure I still go about my household responsibilities, but now it is more of a "servant heart" instead of a "slave heart."

Praise God for everything he has done and will do, and as I will post shortly, he recently blessed me with a client for my internship that I needed. I feel this is just the tip of the iceberg of everything he has planned for me.

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13

Coaching for a Teachable Moment vs. Coaching for Following an Agenda

I get so far behind on these posts, it is getting frustrating! The post is about my peer meeting I had last Sunday, but I'm sure some stuff that happened this week is bound to creep in.

Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem  was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.

Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was "in control" and happy. That's kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn't go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.

The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.

After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.

My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday's class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday's class regarding redefining success.

S.E.A

Yes, Another acronym. This one is simple, yet powerful and effective. The idea behind these three letters are support, encouragement and accountability. Essentially it is three additional things you can do to further help your client (or anyone really) to stick to their goal.

In preparation for this class, we listened to an audio that went into detail about what it means to provide these three key things in a coaching relationship. People need these three things right away after committing to a goal in order to stay energized, or at the very least right around the three week lull point, where motivation dips and we need to swoop in and recharge their batteries.

What causes someone to desire to reach a goal is the result of a particular experience brought on by a teachable/coachable moment. From this pressure point, people are compelled to make a change, brought on by pain or desire. S.E.A. takes their initial energy to change and keeps them going. I picture the energizer bunny, that a coach is responsible for keeping the client going and going.

I enjoy being supportive and encouraging. I have no problem messaging my peer coach a helpful bible verse or quote that I think they may benefit from. Text messages and encouraging words are really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how a coach can help the client. Interestingly to me, the idea here again is that forget what is motivating to you, instead focus on the specific person and what is important and motivating to them.

I sent my peer partner two bible verses this past week, and they sent me an inspirational quote, along with positive words of encouragement. These gestures have been really helpful, but honestly what has been the most helpful thus far is having someone else that is taking the journey with me.

In class we mentioned that needy clients might need to be referred to other possible resources or people that provide the level of S.E.A they desire. One of these ways is by having close family or friends help hold you accountable toward your goal. Bonus points if the two of you happen to be working towards the same goal.

I can honestly say that is what I have now, we constantly check in and text one another in hopes to stay on track and keep each other in check. This has been great for me, and has proven that having someone on your journey with you AND another person invested in your success is invaluable.

Am I perfect? No, only God is perfect. Do I make mistakes? Yes, All of the time. But I am no longer cursing myself. While I make less than ideal choices, I still have not spoke ill or negative of myself. I had a classmate compliment me in class and I was actually able to accept the compliment and feel the truth behind it.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

The best part of my beauty and self confidence that I have seen emerge stems from my weakness. I am made more beautiful in his strength, and covered in the power of his great love.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being. Ephesians 3:16

I have my peer meeting tomorrow morning, and I have so much to say. So many moments and experiences that need mentioning. So much self-discovery occurring and I am blessed to be in this current season.

I've been challenged by the holy spirit to strengthen a relationship close to me. It really has been on my heart for awhile and I was able to act on rebuilding and nurturing that relationship this past week.

It wasn't anything spectacular, and it wasn't some grand gesture. It was a simple text message sent with a picture of me and my puppy which then lead to a catch up phone call the next day.

It's funny, you think you know someone because they've been a certain way your whole life, and then God comes along and through the power of the holy spirit completely transform them.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! 
2 Corinthians 5:17

I'm building what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. A strong relationship with my father. While I wrestle with the harsh words spoken to me as a little girl, I've also been flooded with words of pride and acceptance. These words cast a light into the darkness of my past and fill my soul with abundant love.

The grace of our Lord was poured out on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:14 

I'm no longer a slave to fear- I AM A CHILD OF GOD

***DISCLAIMER: Long Post!***

So after class on Tuesday, I had little time to prepare for my peer meeting on Wednesday evening. I was very unsuccessful in keeping up with my action plan/steps for the past weekend. I had planned to write down my food plan for the week, follow the plan and allow ONE treat for the week.

It just so happened that I was out of town all last weekend at a wedding (where food and temptation run wild). Being out of a strict routine made it harder to stick to a plan, and the celebration of the wedding made it tough to have just ONE sweet treat. Then later in the week came the anxiety, which triggered the eating... I also did volunteer to make sweets for an event I organized, and from making those sweet treats came way too much taste testing!

I gave my peer partner full disclosure regarding my obstacles and "progress" for the past week. As I eluded to before, I know the 5 pounds itself does not mean anything, and instead my peer partner guided me to further introspection.

I opened up admitting my fear of food. Why do I fear food? Because I fear losing control. Food is one thing I can control, but the funny thing is more often than not I lose control over eating. How interesting is that, that the one thing I try to control is where I place my value/worth? If I can regulate my eating then I am good and if I binge and lose control then I am bad. Not surprisingly, the challenge to think back to childhood came up, and again I mentioned food, sweets specifically as my source of comfort.

Unexpectedly, my peer partner asked me if I even considered a sweet as a reward instead of a comfort. I had to ponder that one. No, I have never considered a treat a reward, I've always considered dessert a source of shame when I go too far, which leads to feelings of guilt and self- disgust. In fact, I have always frowned on people who consider a sweet a reward, because I feel that it trains people to crave sweets far too much. I've even told my husband that we will not be enticing our future children to finish their broccoli by promising a cookie.

Backing up, if it isn't obvious now then allow me to point it out. My desire to lose weight and control my eating is fueled by my lack of self acceptance. Saying my truth did not resonate completely in my heart, instead it allowed more insecurities and doubt to surface. Through my peer coach's questions (they are fantastic!) I determined that instead of rewarding myself with a sweet for a specific action completed, I should work on self acceptance by rewarding myself with a treat simply for being a "good" person. (I came to my own conclusion based on their powerful questions- the mark of a great coach!)

They also challenged me to name positive traits about myself. Why is that so hard? Why do I freeze when asked that question? I discovered that I even just start to list what other people say about me instead of naming positive traits that I feel I possess. So the plan for this week is to follow the food plan and reward myself with a treat daily. The reward is because I deserve it, because I am a good person.

I unconditionally love and accept myself.

After my meeting with the lady on Wednesday, we continued emailing back and forth and I asked her to send the list of names of the books she mentioned during our lunch. One particular book stood out to me, because she had mentioned that this book focused on healing ourselves from out past, which is something I've been trying desperately to do.

Born to be Free, by Tom Vermillion was the book that stood out to me. I have not purchased the book (yet) but I was able to look at the reviews on Amazon (sometimes you get lucky and someone will write a complete summary in their comments). After searching through several reviews I landed on one that has completely changed me.

"The best chapter in here is one I just read about curses. Did you know we can speak curses over ourselves with any negative self talk we say? I always KNEW that was so powerful and so destructive.

Other people can also curse us such as if a parents says "I wish you had never been born!" They then just cursed their kid. Literally :( Sad but true.

The good news is though that these curses can be broken through prayer, praise Jesus!

If anyone has ever cursed you or you have inadvertently cursed yourself pray aloud, "By the power and blood of Jesus I declare that.....whatever was said....has no power over me anymore. I declare that that bond is broken. In the name of Jesus. And I declare that I can have the abundant life Jesus speaks of. Amen!"

And it's very important you say that aloud! Very. That is what you can say aloud for any curse you may have had said over you and that you may have said to yourself. If you have ever said to yourself that you will never do something, you cursed yourself. If you ever said you were fat or ugly or not talented, you cursed yourself. So be very careful what you say to yourself. And BREAK THOSE BONDS right now! In the name of Jesus"

I read that over and over and over again. It really struck a chord inside of me until I finally felt compelled to say that prayer aloud.

I said it once for the names I was called as a little girl.

I said it again and again for the names and the way I treat my adult self.

It become an emotional experience (such is part of a transformation powered by the Holy Spirit). I began to release the bonds these negative words had on me saying this over and over and again louder and more hysterical than the time before.

Finally, I stopped. Sat in the silence of what I just said and noticed how I felt. I am not exaggerating or joking when I say that in those quiet moments after my proclamation, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I physically felt lighter.

It's been a few days since then. My attitude about myself has changed. My self acceptance and self love is growing and I am beginning to appreciate me for me and notice all of the beauty around me and value I carry.

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6

My peer partner said something that made an impact on me (this happened before I looked at anything about the book), and it seemed to be really important so I wrote it down. (Little did I know that this would foreshadow an experience that I was about to have).

"When you allow yourself to just be, then your brain will stop fighting against you."

In those moments after I said those things out loud I allowed myself to just be, and indeed my brain did stop fighting against me.

Food is fuel for the body. It is not "Good" or "Bad", it just is. Sweets don't seem to hold the power they once had over me. I just feel different.

The title of this post is from a song that I hear frequently on the radio. It carries so much more meaning to me now.

I challenge you to think of the negative self-talk you heard from someone or told yourself and pray that by the power and blood of Jesus those words lose their power and no longer have a hold on you so you are free to live the abundant life planned for you.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible- and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13

Romans 9 is also about Sin's power being broken. I encourage you to read it for more on breaking the bonds of sin and going through a complete transformation.

When the answer isn't so obvious- Getting at the Heart

Tuesday's class was all about exploring internal issues using a new paradigm. The tools we learned today are beneficial when dealing with highly emotional situations and highly emotional people. Prior to class we had to listen to an audio, "Heart of a Coach" which essentially talked about how during the coach training we will transform ourselves to love unconditionally just as Jesus loves us.

Such a simple concept, to say, but a much harder concept to put into practice. The idea of being there for the client and showing grace and love allows us to relieve the pressure of being the one that has all the answers. Instead, the client will initiate the change as we walk alongside them. Coaches foster authenticity and transparency by being authentic and transparent themselves. Over time, the idea is that these are no longer skills that we must put forth effort to practice, but instead through mindful awareness and the heart of Jesus becomes our nature.

In order to be completely transformed you must be willing to attack your demons. We must be able to go deep within ourselves and pull out the darkest part and bring it to light, and with the help of a coach acting as the vehicle of God, this is possible.

Our class was asked to share our goals aloud, as people shared it was interesting to see what they chose as their goal. With my goal to lose 5 pounds, I admit it is such a shallow goal, and in fact with my peer coach I explored the issue further (that will discussed in the next post).

Not every goal is shallow, in fact there are often emotionally charged and littered with several obstacles that are preventing the person from achieving their overall goal. This is when we use O.P.S. to observe, probe and sift further by asking open-ended questions, revealing and ownership questions. This is where you pack a punch not only with succinct words, but with gut-level questions.

Practicing this allows us to dig and ask the tough questions. I was on the other side of this during my peer meeting, where the question is so poignant that it leaves you stunned.

Overall this class is going way too fast. We are to be looking for people that we can coach as part of our internship for 6 weeks. I have some ideas in mind of who I think this should be, but ultimately it is up to them. I've met some great, inspiring people from class, and even from my Tuesday morning bible study.

One particular lady reached out to me and we met for lunch on Wednesday. It was a great conversation, she said she was interested in christian coaching for her daughter, so I told her about it and told her that the best way to determine if becoming a christian coach is for you is to be coached first. I gave her my contact information to pass along and I hope that I will hear from her. All I can do is pray about her to have guidance and insight to see her clear direction. After our meeting, she sent me words of encouragement that really spoke to me.

You and I have been given gifts to help others see theirs. We are partners with God to bring the good news of salvation, healing and deliverance to the lost and broken so that others can achieve the goals and the destiny that God has planned for them before they were born. (Jeremiah 29:11)

We are in fact, helpers and both serve by listening and trying to understand, direct and guide people experiencing problems or pain. In the midst of one conversation she told me something in confidence and said, "I haven't told anyone else that, but I felt like you would understand." I felt very honored when I heard that, as I was listening and engaged in her story, practicing my coaching skills without really giving it a second thought.

The idea of these principles becoming effortless and automatic as we develop the true heart of a coach, expressing unconditional regard to to others is a true measure of the abundance of Christ that lives within us.

And we, who are with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever- increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18

Last Week's Class Recap and Peer Meeting Reflection

What a busy, busy week I had last week. After class on Tuesday night I turned around and immediately had my meeting with my peer on Wednesday night. That made for a busy and challenging beginning of the week (which already added to an already busy week getting ready to go out of town). But I'm back now. I made it home safe and sound yesterday. As I continue to catch up on neglected chores and grading responsibilities, I am being called to recall and write about my coaching experience from last week.

Tuesday night in general is somewhat challenging for me, in terms of time management. Typically I work out and get home just in time to sit for class, however this week I decided to forgo my typical routine and allow for enough time to prepare for class and to maintain my somewhat put together appearance for our "guests" in class (I did not want them to see me as a "hot mess"). As I recall my justification for not going to the gym so I could look presentable, I am reminded that this is a shallow level 1 or 2 stage of authenticity. I am noting a correlation between my stage of authenticity and my self-image. Again, my confidence level is highest when I look to God for confirmation and reassurance instead of others. Suffice to say that my level of authenticity mirrored my sense of self on Tuesday.

We discussed the GROW model and SMART goals. the former is the way to structure the coaching session and the later is the specific goal that the individual wishes to achieve. We stepped through each of these with examples and demonstrations from two of our "guest" class members.

Part of the homework that we discussed was how we rated the different areas located on our "wheel of life". It was very obvious what my lowest area of satisfaction is and I noticed how each of the areas affected the others (my unhappiness with myself or my appearance or social or spiritual life affects my marriage, and vice-versa). Or perhaps it could it be that my marriage satisfaction impacts these others areas?

Using one area in which I am the least satisfied, I came up with my SMART goal that I will work on with my peer partner for the week. Not surprising for those that know me, I decided that my goal would be to lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks. (Again even as I type this goal out I am hearing that voice in my head that is saying "what happens when I reach that number, will I be happy?") What arbitrary number do I have to throw out there or reach for me to feel content or satisfied with myself?

While I don't want to go down the weight loss-self esteem rabbit hole, I do feel that it is not the number on the scale that leads to contentment, but instead it is the list of small decisions I make day to day to avoid temptation to help me achieve my goal. So while I say 5 pounds in 5 weeks as a way to measure success, what really measures this success is the series of small victories I have within myself.

The sharing of our goals was just part of the peer meeting, the other half of the meeting I had the pleasure and privilege of hearing my peer partners life story. Their story touched my heart, and not because of how it related to me, but how it allowed them to express where they come from and who they are. Debriefing gave me reinforcement that my silent listening and nodding is encouraging and comforting. The build up of the pain that never gets expressed can be released without judgement during our meeting. Just the safe space made by active listening and story sharing I feel is invaluable to the coach and the client as well.

While I shared in my peer partner's emotions, I also began to hear them to admit an insecurity that I also struggle with. The words used to express the fear and doubt are the same words I've spoke of before.

Unworthy. Not good enough.

I assured them that they are not alone in this fear, and I too have feelings of lack of purpose and reoccurring bouts of extreme loneliness. How can one be in a room full of people but yet feel so alone? Why do I feel so different?

One thing my peer partner said really stuck out to me, and made me realize more why my husband can't identify and often can't handle my past.

" My (spouse) did't marry a broken person. They married a confident and self sufficient person. When they see me broken they don't know how to react."

These statements ring a bell and speak a truth that I have gone through and have known for quite sometime. How God has orchestrated this relationship and partnership to strengthen and grow us together. To put things into perspective and to help build up one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

We who are strong ought to bear with the failing of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. Romans 15:1-2

Never is this more true than with my interactions with my classmates, peer partner and trainer.

Saturday Morning at 8 AM

Friday night was busy. We had a party we went to and got home around 11:00 PM. After over-indulging in all of the sweet treats, I was foggy, sleepy and "hungover" on Saturday morning. While I did not start out mentally clear, I did end focused and ready to take on the week's challenge.

The task during the peer meeting this week was for one of us to tell our life story. I went first. We were to take 20-30 mins and share our life story. As I started telling the story of my life, it seemed that the minutes were going to drag on. However, as I dived into my life I found myself trying to wrap up for times sake.

People enjoy talking about themselves. I tried to speak carefully and directly as I shared my story. In my story I focused mostly on my romantic relationships and my relationship with God. I talked of how I have been on both sides of the spectrum (talking and walking the walk vs. not talking or not walking the walk), and how my relationships throughout my life have shaped me today.

In speaking of my past, it again brought up alot of emotions, both positive and negative. My peer partner recognized that I did not speak very much of my early childhood, in fact I neglected to mention my life from 3rd to 8th grade. In hindsight this is interesting, I spoke of this period as a pattern in my family that perpetuated a negative environment as a result of being stuck in a vicious cycle.

Again, revisiting this idea it is fascinating. My neglect for recalling these years directly reflects the pain. In telling my story from start to finish, I began to identify similar patterns in my behavior. I developed and discovered my own "Aha/coachable moments" in my life. The act of introspection and openness allowed for God to speak to me through my own story. My peer partner was also able (through a different lens) to pinpoint patterns of behavior.

How I responded to relationships in my life, how I only came to God at times of hopelessness and desperation. How that has turned around now at this point in my life.

In addition to "spilling my guts", we also had to decide on another coaching skill to work on this week. Since I was lead to work on using words with restraint last week, this week I chose to focus on noticing non verbals. In my interaction with others, it is interesting to observe their body language and eye contact and how that directly reflects their thoughts and words that they are saying. In essence I am trying to weave everything together so I can be the best coach I can be by the power of the Holy Spirit.

One of those key elements to be a successful coach is being an active listener. After reading the book on care giving, the very same thing that I perceived as a weakness in coaching is a strength in care giving. My fears of spreading myself too thin are obsolete now that I accept that my path is twofold. I am reminded on the poem, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in the a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

Not saying that I will chose one path over the other, but saying to pursue both paths, I will be met with resistance. Not from others, but mostly from myself. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it. I don't want it to be easy, in fact I need it to be hard and so does God. I need to surrender to myself and let him guide my every thought and action.

Holy spirit fill me with the your presence so that I may bear much fruit.

But the fruit that comes from having the Holy Spirit in our lies is: love, joy,peace, not giving up, being kind, being good, having faith, being gently and being the boss over our own desires. Galatians 5:22-23

Wow. "Being the boss over our own desires." I am humbled by this as I realize this is the key to following my destiny.

Tonight is class. Tomorrow I meet with my peer for our meeting this week since I will be unavailable this weekend. I hope to post shortly after both, I realize that the longer I wait to post after my classes/ meetings, the more I have to sift through the events of the week to get to the heart.

Coaching Teachable "Aha Moments"

Tuesday was a rough day for me for a few different reasons. I went to the gym before class and struggled through a kickboxing class and then rushed home for class. Needless to say I was not feeling 100% and it was written all over my face.

While I did not participate alot in class, I did take several pages of notes this week. One of the first stories our trainer told us included self- disclosure about noticing the points of resistance as we learn the skills and also how coaching shifts our temperament. I appreciated this story, as I have noticed how I take on a new "persona" when I am coaching. Essentially I become more quiet and reflective and fully engaged in the moment. As part of my coaching goal this week I am working on speaking concisely and "packing a punch" with direct stories and responses.

The two main topics for class this week were Accountability and Teachable Moments. For accountability, we are to act a a stand in for God and take the role to partner with the person as they embark on their journey. I have had accountability for several things in my life and I can speak firsthand of the "partner" approach working better than the "parent" approach.

Teachable and coachable moments start with a specific experience. In that experience we are often highly emotional and conscious of what is going on around us. We talked about how the self help industry is a multi-billion dollar industry and while people pour their money into these things looking for a quick fix, the answer to have an "Aha moment" that can initiate change revolves around people and experiences.

While I did mention that I did not participate that much in class, I did share a story that happened a week ago and fit the definition of this type of moment. Interestingly, I did feel that after this moment happened and this break through occurred that this would be the perfect thing to share in class. I became grateful for having this intense moment and know it came directly from God.

So I shared my story, the same story that I shared a few posts ago about the connection from the past and present that I made. In diving deeper, we learned that the type of questions we ask can catalyze these types of moments. As coaches we need to be observant and intuitive, noting when the client may be struggling with something that they might want to discuss further. I would liken it to slowly adding small sticks to the fire, when you add small sticks of wood the fire tends to get bigger and bigger until something explosive happens. This actually reminds me of a verse we talked about in terms of a quarrelsome person adding to chaos, but I believe the same general principle can be applied here.

As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife. Proverbs 26:21 

"When we learn a lesson we pay for it with our life." This is so true. We go through trials and tribulations in life because ultimately it makes us grow as an individual, we can't just give contrite advice to someone and expect them to take it; instead we need to feel it and experience it for ourselves. Our lessons are guided by the holy spirit which gives us our own unique perspective. Our perspective coupled with insightful and thought provoking questions is what creates the coachable moment.

The types of questions to ask simply are to stay curious and dig more into what is happening and what has happened. We can ask all of the questions we want, but we know that God is the one who prepares these type of moments.

Taking all of this into consideration, along with my words to my peer partner last weekend about the need to share my story is greater than the need to stay guarded, it is no surprise that the God initiated moment I experienced and shared left one of my classmates thinking.

"Thank you for sharing that really helps me understand some things in my own life."

You never know who needs to hear your story. You never know what type of impact your story can have until you tell it. This gives me chills just reading it. God is great and he is using me to help others. This is my purpose. Not one choice of another (church ministry volunteer opportunity or life coaching) but both. Both share the same ideas while being different. Both opportunities will help me grow and allow others to grow. Both combine my passions. This is my heart and and I am grateful for the situations and circumstances God has placed me in that have lead me to this point.


Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

Peer Session #2

So Saturday I woke up anxious for my phone call with my peer partner. After the compliments about my coaching on Tuesday, at the very end of the class I heard my peer partner say, "I have a problem with". My initial thought (unfortunately) was negative. There is something about me, or they have a problem with me. I did something wrong or said something wrong.

Ugh. My negative perception of myself is not only frustrating to me but it is also frustrating to the people around me. I honestly I do not try to be negative, it is an immediate reaction. One good thing is that after telling myself that it wasn't about me, I am doing well and it is not a negative comment towards or about me, I can usually stop letting it affect me. I go back to telling myself the truth and focusing on loving and accepting myself.

After determining the comment wasn't directed towards me, I was ready for the peer meeting. We connected and prayed and touched base and then something I never saw coming happened. My peer partner became emotional. Suddenly they went from being guarded to opening up and expressing true, genuine emotions. I felt such a sense of relief and comfort that they too are emotional and I am not the only one. I thought for sure that I had been pared up with someone who just wasn't emotionally expressive, but I was wrong. I am so glad that I was wrong.

Again, being vulnerable and authentic allows for true emotion to come out and establishes a deeper connection. In our meeting we shared takeaways from a bible study we did, our progress report for the goals we set, and a "milestone" story.

For our progress report on our goals, as I mentioned before I want to catalyze authenticity and used my opportunity around others to do so. In small group I opened up about feeling lonely and empty and seeking God in prayer and out of desperation he directed my path to where I am now, becoming a Christian life coach.  After group this lead to a deeper discussion with one my small group leaders. While it was a friend talking to a friend I was touched that she could open up to me more. One of my thoughts about small group leaders in the past has been that they have to ask you how you are and keep tabs on your life. I am realizing that this is not the case, as it stems from a basic care and concern for others, a Christ-like compassion. The specific goal I focused on last week was not shifting in anticipation of someone completing their thought/response, and keeping eye contact with them while listening. I was able to do this while talking to my small group leader and I feel that this impacted her willingness to share and be more open.

 For this week's goal I was stuck on what my next skill to work on would be. I prayed for guidance and direction and upon reading my devotional I was directed to a bible verse that lead me to my answer.

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Proverbs 17:27

So after our trainer said we need to consolidate our answers and stories so they "pack a punch" I feel that is the next step in my transformation. Being quiet and attentive while listening, yet speaking directly and concisely when appropriate.

I had a chance to work on that a little already, and I will work on it more as the week progresses, so stay tuned.

Going back to the peer meeting, I was asked about authenticity and how it is to be authentic and reach a stage 3 level of authenticity. Without giving it much thought I said

The need for me to share my story is greater than the need for me to stay guarded.

This really spoke to my peer partner and they asked where it came from. I said "Me. The holy spirit within me."

As I already know that we are not paired up by chance but by the divine inter-workings of God. How blessed we are to have each other to support and encourage. How blessed we are that we know that coaching is our next calling and we intend to fulfill the mission in which we have been called to do.

The funny thing about our mission is yet another opportunity has been laid out for me. This one is a specific position in my church as a CARE ministries volunteer. In this position I would be actively listening and showing empathy, but not pushing the person to a solution or any sort of goal status. So utilizing some of the skills I've learned but perhaps not holding that individual accountable for an action step.

I met with a person after church on Sunday to discuss this more. While I am intrigued by this idea, I know that it is different from coaching and need to seek council and guidance regarding where to invest my time/energy. (In both or one over the other?) My meeting with her ended with my next step to read a book she recommended and to make a comparison between the principles outlined in the book and my core coaching principles. After I read the book she wants to get together to talk about it over coffee. She also called me to encourage me to go to membership night next Sunday, I've always wanted to go but have been nervous. I do think that this is the perfect time and reason for me to go and learn more about the church and what I have to offer.

My hope is to borrow the book from someone in my small group and read it and attend membership class Sunday. As I sort through my ideas, thoughts and parallels of what coaching vs. care giving means I need to remember to be mindful and present and still so that I can hear when God speaks to me.

Looks like this is another long post, but I will say that I grateful to have this outlet and encouraged that my words can help and encourage others.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Rushing home from a coffee group and Creating Authenticity

As the title implies I had a very busy day on Tuesday. I went to a coffee group (get together) around 6:30 and I had to leave a little before 7:30 to make it home just in time to let the dog out, grab a drink and set up my connection to begin class.

While I was at the coffee, I did not want to leave. I was having fun visiting with friends and meeting new people. When 7:30 (7:25ish, actually) came around, I knew I had to leave, my weekly class meeting with my fellow classmate's is something that I look forward to every week. Despite me rushing around and rushing home and making it home just in time, a deep breath and a quick prayer and I was ready for what class had in store for me!

First we debriefed about our peer meetings. In my previous post I mentioned my concern with my vulnerability on the coaching side and client side, however my peer partner volunteered to provide feedback and mentioned several time that I did a great job, and I really provided challenging questions.

This was nice to hear, especially since I was not sure how the dynamic would be perceived. Again I was reassured that they are looking forward to working with me and they are so glad that they are working with me as their coach. Immediately this was like a warm sense of relief and empowerment that came over me in a wave. I remember thinking to myself alight, thank you Lord for more empowerment, confidence, and confirmation of my (your) current plan and (your) purpose.

The main focus of the week was to tell stories that would set the stage for others to be open and authentic themselves. The main idea is that in being authentic in our stories, when can better help the client be authentic. I feel that this is a strength of mine, clearly I have no problem expressing myself or a personal story (considering in every class demo I've volunteered for resulted in me fighting back tears or containing a strong emotion).

I shared a personal story with the class. I fully expected to become emotional while expressing this memory/story and even said it as a disclaimer before I began. I think what allowed for me to not become fully immersed is 1) It is a positive, powerful happy story that demonstrates God's amazing goodness and 2) We were given a 3 minute time constraint, so I wanted to make sure that I provided enough detail but was concise enough to stay within the limit. With these two things in the back of my mind (mainly the time limit) I told the story with voice inflection but no other outward expression of emotion.

There it is, I did it! I spoke of a powerful memory/story with authenticity and I was able to express my emotions with eye contact and voice inflection, rather than tears or a broken voice. If I can do that telling that powerful story, then I should be able to do that going forward! (Again praying for the holy spirit to provide me with the strength I need and his vision to see my future clients' stories from their perspective and also an ability to view my own through a new lens)

Again, God provided. I meet with my counselor and as we were discussing the week and mindfulness, it stirred up my reoccurring feeling of loneliness. Not letting me get away from this emotion, I was instructed to go back to an earlier time where I felt this emotion. In doing this I had an "Aha moment" that put everything into perspective for me. It was like the reason for my loneliness and sadness clicked.

Growing up in a family where alcoholism was present, I always felt like that alcohol was chosen over me. I remember pleading for my dad to stay with me early on, and of course the bottle won over the bond I was after. This is not to say that I had/have a unique and positive relationship with my father, I did and that may very well be the reason that his mental and emotional absence affected me so much. I felt like he chose alcohol over me and that something must have been wrong with me or I must not have been good enough because if I was then he wouldn't leave me.

Fast forward to here and now and the present time. My husband's daily absence is a everyday part of my life. Typically I can expect him home between 10:00-11:00 PM on the weeknights and when he does get home he still is working. On the weekends he is usually gone most of Saturday and part of Sunday. What clicked with me in the moment with my counselor is that I feel that he chooses work over me, over spending time with his family and that contributes to my feelings of loneliness and sadness.

To connect the dots, this parallels my feelings from childhood. Again feeling that time away from me was a choice and that it was inevitability going to lead me to loneliness and isolation. While I know this does not directly relate to coaching or my coaching journey, it indirectly does because the clarity and peace I've received from this revelation has impacted every other part of my life. I don't feel broken and hopeless to repeat the past or be an emotional mess as a coach. Instead I feel strong and empowered to take the tools, to take the brokenness and to take my story and use it with God's direction to help others.

This is exactly what the story a coach shares with a client should do. My notes from Tuesday say that the story needs to be concise, detailed, provide self- disclosure, an attitude of humility and ultimately focus on highlighting God's goodness. The goal of a personal story is to create an open environment that encourages sharing and also provides additional insight and a fresh perspective into the current obstacle they are experiencing. One caution is to make sure to not tell a story that provides a leading answer/meaning or implies a hidden suggestion of an obvious solution.

We were provided with a challenge question as we concluded class.

What ways is God giving you chances or opportunities to catalyze and build authentic relationships?

The obvious answer is by building relationships and deepening existing ones. I have small group tonight and with the power of the holy spirit I plan on taking that step and being authentic in order to catalyze a deeper level of openness within the group.

Next is my peer meeting on Saturday morning, so look for another post shortly after that!

Praise be to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Coaching and Emotions - Where do you draw the line?

I never thought that being emotional was a bad thing, especially when it comes to coaching. I've always looked at the ability to empathize with other people and feel their pain as something that will benefit me as a coach. After my peer meeting yesterday morning, I realize that I do not know as much as I thought and that this emotional sensitivity might affect my ability to be a successful coach.

I want to be a successful life coach who will be able to help others achieve their goals and reach their ultimate potential. The question becomes then, is this something I can do while immersing myself into a deep emotional connection.

During the peer meeting we were to take turns coaching one another. I went first as the coach, only asking one or two questions, as the rest of the 25 minutes was filled by my peer partner's  recap of the week and other things going on. One particular thing that was brought up was the deep feeling that this is their purpose and that they sense that this is God's will for them, to become a christian life coach and reach out to the community. They mentioned one specific way in which God was providing them with the tools necessary in order to reach those people in need and extend beyond their comfort level to help others.

I related to this, as I too feel that this is my calling and I have been blessed with the knowledge and wisdom to know that this is his plan, such that opportunities have already arose to put coaching into practice, thus opening several doors. In realizing that my peer partner's story reflected my own heart and journey, I became filled with joy and awestruck wonder that this person was placed in my life for a reason, again solidifying my path and purpose in life. The emotion at that point was a result of that understanding. The tears in my eyes as I listened were not of sorrow or pain, they were out of understanding and confirmation.

As a coach, I think that is important to stay emotionally connected to your client. I want them to be able see that I connect with them and share in their pain or discontentment. I want them to find comfort and security in my eyes and feel drawn to me to share their fears and hopes and worries and wishes. I want to be able to relate to them, and often I can find parallels to my own experiences as they mention their own. However here is the challenge, how can I draw on my own experiences to be a help to them and not get stuck in my own web of thought regarding my situations or circumstances?

I needed additional guidance on this topic, so I consulted our trainer for more insight. Her response was more than helpful. it seems that the balance is so calculated and it is so easy to be caught up thinking of our own issues that we must remember one word, "OBJECTIVITY".

Being objective seems to go without saying that you need to look at the situation with a fresh insight and new perspective in order to gain an understanding to be able to help the individual. She said that we will always compare what we hear to our own personal stories and the trick is being able to use our understanding of our own experiences to help the client understand their own experience. In this way it is ultimately about the client, but we can use our insight into ourselves to help reveal the insight in the individual.

I did not fully understand that until just now as I write this. It is not a hindrance to be able to become emotional, even on a spiritual level, it is a tool that one you realize you must acknowledge and then be able to step out of yourself and look at the situation from a different vantage point. I think as I continue to practice my coaching skills I am going to work hard to not become "callous" or even more objective in the face, instead I will focus on being objective in my mind.

In order to do this I think as I realize that I connect on a spiritual level I should thank God for this connection and the power of the strong emotion, and ask him to show me how he wants me to use this connection to be able to help the other person. I am going to try that as I continue on this journey!

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others. Philippians 2:4

Our Two Hour Class & Game Plan for Peer Coaching

After having two 5 hour workshops, the two hour class seemed like a walk in the park At least that is what I thought going into it. It turns out that when you volunteer to be a demonstration for the entire class, it involves a little more sharing.

The question was simple, it was a prompt to think of something that you are dealing with right now. The immediate topic that came to my mind was my husband's absence and dealing with being alone most of the time.

The task was for my classmates to help me explore this topic further by listening well and asking the appropriate questions. They each took turns to ask me a question pertaining to my situation. It was nice to be heard. While some of the questions were easier than others, it was important for me let each of the questions sink in so I could put into words how I feel. I am glad that I was able to explore this topic with my peers, I already feel connected to them.

Yes, this is a short post, after the demo and debriefing we went over two worksheets and our assignments for this week. One idea I wrote down seems to be an important point, "Be real not religious." This goes with being authentic, and I feel that expressing myself and being real comes naturally to me.

After class our trainer sent an email letting us know who we would be paired up with to be their coach and also to be coached by them. This seems like it will be an interesting dynamic and beneficial for both of us in both areas.

I got who I wanted as my peer partner, we are really going to be able to help each other work through some roadblocks that will hold us back as future coaches and also interfere with our ability to listen. After tonight we have signed out agreement forms, scheduled meeting times and also disclosed what we would like to work on for the next few weeks. I am very encouraged and I feel like I will be able to help my peer partner through some things, even it means being even more vulnerable and more real myself.

I think the best way to get the most out of our meetings is to pray, I want to pray each time that the Holy Spirit speaks through me to reveal an important truth that needs to be discovered (or rediscovered). I think that I need to remember to not look into the future, but focus on the present and be mindful and fully aware. This means that I don't try to create breakthroughs, I simply need to explore their requested topic by asking the questions that are given to me by the Holy Spirit.

I am finding that this requires constant redirection. I constantly have to shift my focus and redirect my thoughts to focus on reflection. This is a skill that I want to practice more. A skill that I NEED to practice more.

Workshop- Day 2

This is a little overdue, the end of the workshop was on Saturday and tonight was the first two hour class.

I'll focus on main points from the second part of the workshop and address the main points of the class in the next post.

Listening is something that is under appreciated. The power of listening is a lost art. I have always thought of myself as an intuitive listener, and that was put to the test here. The way to begin to listen is to be curious, ask questions to gain understanding and not try to solve a problem or impose your advice on someone. That is way easier said than done.

We need to be true to ourselves. Our inner spirit and inner heart. In doing that we need to "stop and smell the roses". Being true to yourself and letting your true self out is the result of letting yourself be present and aware. There is so much power in the act of listening and letting your true understanding come through.

Something that spoke to me again as we discussed intuitive listening (i.e. reading between the lines and noting the indirect gestures of the individual) was the power of inner reflection and mediation. We as a society are so conditioned to go,go,go and we go through our to-do list in our head daily, searching our mind for the next thing. There is power again in stillness.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Through the listening exercises and also being able to practice asking the questions needed for further exploration, I discovered that when you listen and become fully present in the moment, the questions to ask just come without you having to search your brain trying to the think of a good question. As a class on day 2, we crossed a boundary and shared something personal with a peer. The act of being vulnerable is scary, but again as I shared and continue to share I have a peace when I become fully cognizant of my feelings.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 

Your security in your identity in Christ is what determines your level of openness. I think that when your search your heart and you try to define who you are in terms of earthly descriptions you lose sight of what is most important. We need to be secure in our identity in Christ in order to appreciate ourselves. One key phrase that I jotted down was, "Person receives acceptance from God and loses the fear of being rejected." This can not be more true. I need daily reminders of this continuous love and acceptance from our heavenly Father.

I have the most clarity when I pray for wisdom and discernment. I need to allow myself to ask for guidance and direction in ALL areas of my life. There are so many struggles daily that I wrestle with, and I think these are a result of me not saying out loud that I need the peace which transcends all understanding. I need to remember my self truth.

I unconditionally love and accept myself.

But do I? Do I unconditionally love and accept myself? I don't think so. I think that the holy spirit that is in me shows me acceptance and self love. From this acceptance and self love I am able to accept myself (even my flaws)  because Jesus loves and accepts me.

We had homework also. We had to listen to an audio recording and  practice listening to someone for 30 mins. I chose to actively listen to my husband for 30 mins.

That 30 mins was challenging, he is not one for long, emotional conversations and does not do well sitting still. I went out of wife mode and into "coach mode". I asked open-ended questions and took my tone of voice down and stayed connected in the conversation with eye-contact and body language. We discussed the residency and his feelings and also where his priorities are and where he thinks they should be. As part of the assignment he was to provide me with feedback about how he felt after. In general his feedback was encouraging. He said the conversation was thought-provoking and made him think.  The questions I asked came naturally and were not forced. I was calm and reflective, which really allowed God speak through me to say some things that really hit home with him.

This is exactly the kind of thing that makes my heart happy. Helping others realize and understand God's plan for them and for them to know that he is with them every step of the way. This becomes especially important in my own life as I go through my own triumphs.

Week 2, (Day 1 of class) was also challenging, I volunteered again for another demo which allowed me to open up and speak my heart on a pressing issue.. More on that on the next post.

First Day of School- Christian Coaching

This blog will focus on my journey as I go through Christian coach training under the lifeforming leadership program.

We had our first workshop last night. It was 5 hours of listening, writing, role-playing and asking questions. The 5 hours went by quickly with the help of a few small breaks in between lessons. While everything we talked about was beneficial in some way, there are some specific things that stood out.

After the initial introduction and technical talk, we dived into what a coach is and what a coach does. We also talked about the culture of a lifeforming coach and our responsibilities to our self, our clients and God. One message I wrote was we need to invite the Holy Spirit to transform us so we can transform other through Faith and believing that people are capable of stewardship. I believe some of that transformation in me occurred last night.

I don't even remember the question that was asked, but I remember my classmate's answer that spoke to me. In order to understand the gravity of the situation I need to provide a little background.

In a nutshell, due to a dysfunctional family upbringing and my husband becoming a passerby due to his schedule, I've been feeling lonely and abandoned. I've felt that something is missing in my life and I have never been able to fill that hole. I've turned to destructive behaviors to push down the emotions in the form of compulsive overeating as well as positive coping strategies through various types of exercise. I have been seeing a counselor for these issues and have really been trying to get at the root of why I feel so lonely. Through a intense session I admitted out loud to myself that I feel unworthy and not good enough, like I am undeserving. It felt good to verbalize but hard to hear. I know that I am highly critical of myself and I know that I am my own worst enemy. I think that is what attracted me to coaching, specifically Christian coaching, I really have felt that if I could help others realize their potential through God then I would finally be living up to my own.

Fast forward to one of the workshop activities where we had to answer a question. I cannot remember the specific question though I think it had something to do with what coaching could do to change people. One of my peers shared her answer that shed some light into my struggles and gave me hope as I face my situation.

She said that coaching will help people who feel unworthy or not good enough or undeserving to reach their potential be able to understand that through God they will be able to reach their full potential. Her answer caused an immediate emotional reaction, I felt the tears coming as I was trying to hide my face (since we all have webcams for class) Luckily for me there was a break shortly after her response.

God knows my heart, he knows my hopes and fears, struggles and victories. Hearing her answer, I felt that she was speaking directly to me, and she was in a way. It was God speaking through her, he was getting at the core of my desire and the crux of my fear. He was assuring me that this journey, this transformation is one that will not leave me as the same person I am now. All of that insecurity, worry and doubt will be gone when I reach my maximum potential. I feel that those words she said that so perfectly aligned with my description of my own feelings are evidence that this is my destiny to be coached and to coach others through God's word.

The gut -level response I experienced was overwhelming. I felt the immediate urge to get on my knees and praise God for that revelation and for lifting the burden and relieving the pain. I did just that and wept uncontrollably, not out of sadness or helplessness, but out of praise and admiration. He heard my heart and he spoke to me letting me know that my footsteps are following his path. I cannot even begin to explain the peace I felt afterwards.

As the workshop continued there was a time to volunteer for demonstration. The question was the think of something you would like to resolve immediately. The purpose of the demonstration was for her to show the wrong way and the right way to ask questions.

She probed a little, and I provided much background. I was honest in my answers and since my peers were told to note nonverbals, many of them picked up on my pain and trouble. I suppose I really am that transparent, but I also know that they are practicing be sensitive to these types of cues because as coaches we need to be able to read between the lines and connect the dots of our client's stories. As we focused on one a specific goal of me not baking anymore sweets, she help me come up with a solution to just avoid looking at recipes on Pinterest. The questions she asked were able to lead me to new insight and look at my situation in a way I hadn't before. If I am not tempted to "try new recipes" by looking them up on Pinterest where it is mostly sweets that show up, then I won't have the urge to bake. After coming up with this solution (in front of everyone) I've decided that I am going to try it. I want to report to my peers tomorrow for our second workshop that I have been successful and I am maintaining my end of the bargain.

Another activity we did was a listening activity. I learned that I am often focused on what my next question is or the next point I am going to make, and that I am not fully engaged or present in the moment. I have decided to be more present and aware and slow down and not try to anticipate the next thing. I know that while I can listen well, I need to not be so worried of other's approval (another thing my intuitive peers pointed out) I have all the approval I need as a child of God.

The final part of the workshop we went over two worksheets that helped us to identify that until God has his hand in that particular area of our life, we will forever just go around and around in a circle and never make the progress needed to advance to the next step. I have always said that I have faith and I do trust, but until you surrender your control and your will, you will not gain the insight you need.

It was a challenging, difficult, enlightening and amazing experience in this first workshop. God is at work changing my heart and as long as I have faith in him and I trust in him I will feel no more pain and he will move in those areas of my life that have long since seen the light.

After class was over I was exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, however I was am still at peace and steadfast in my decision to embark on this journey. The next workshop is tomorrow and I can not wait to see what is in store for me!

Phil 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 90:17
May the favor[a] of the Lord our God rest on us;  establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.